Sunday, September 30, 2012

More Than A Ring: A Race to the Aisle

Would you look at the jugs on that one on the left?  She's surpassing the bulkheads!

Speaking of jugs, here at Greatness with Garrigan Gumption, I strive to tell you nothing of consequence about my own life.  I do this because I'm a Howard Hughes-esque recluse who spends most of his days pissing into 12oz. mason jars and french braiding my eyebrow hair.  You see, I value privacy.

That said, I feel I owe you, my public, an explanation as to the infrequency of my posts.  The truth is, I am getting married - like to another person. A female person.

Last December, as some of you may recall, I got engaged to Ms. Salli Melfi.  If you want to relieve that magic, you can click here.  If you don't, just trust me it was awesome.  Like SOOOO MUCH BETTER than anything you could ever cook up.

After that was done, I thought I could just put up my feet and wait to be showered in a dowry of  (4) goats, (2) candle sticks, and at last, my life goal of a bathtub full of pennies.  Unfortunately, that isn't the case.  After the engagement, that's when the work begins.

Monday, September 03, 2012

In the Open

I am cool, and I am post-Labor Day fat and I am lazy and these are pictures of the U.S. Open.

This is the time that I looked cool in a tennis stadium.

This is the time I "single-handedly" took down the DirectTV blimp.

This is an aerial shot of Serena Williams's ass.

That's pretty much all you need to know.  Gonna go eat my 8th soft pretzel and continue on with my previously scheduled self-loathing.


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