Sunday, July 15, 2012

Meghan McCain: Decoding the Train Wreck

Some people love to follow Kim Kardashian or The Real Housewives of Gary, Indiana or Lark Voorhies or whoever.

Me? I have Meghan McCain.

I have long been fascinated by people who are famous for no reason.  Not so I can ridicule them (OK, maybe it's so I can ridicule them), but also so I can learn their tactics and leverage this knowledge to begin my own media empire; allowing me to while away the rest of my life independently wealthy, watching the Bourne Trilogy on a non-stop loop.

But enough about Jason Bourne, let's talk about Meghan McCain.  Join me as we venture into the world of the YouTubes and Google Image Search to unpack the secrets to her success and answer once and for all, why is Meghan McCain so goddamn popular?

  •  Step One: Have famous senator-war-hero-father.
  • Step Two: Have famous senator-war-hero-father run for President of the United States, finagle a way on to his Straight Talk Express tour bus, and eat ALL THE SNACKS ON THE TOUR BUS (I have this on good authority).
  • Step Three: Post videos from the campaign.  Be sure to make a point of how your dad and mom mingle with the poors who look after your Arizona compound whenever the press swing by.  Also, play up the "every girl loves a roadtrip" angle.  'Cause we love roadtrips, right giiiiiiirrrrllllfriends????!!!!
  • Step Four: Post pictures of your enormous tittays appetite for literature.
  • Step Seven: Use status new-found status as la dame avec les bons mots to secure obligatory photo shoots.  In shoots make sure you pose with a beer.  You know, cause you're folksy, a maverick. Also, wear accessories featuring Old Glory, for 'Merica.
  • Step Eight: Become a geisha.  At last your transition to total media whore is complete.

If you don't have a  famous senator-war-hero-father or tittays, please return to square one.  Unfortunately, I don't, so shit, this was a waste of time.  Also, this whole damn post should have been an infographic. God, I'm awful at blogging.  At least that's one thing Meghan and I have in common.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Why they have to show the black man biting into a chicken leg! That ain't right!!! Damn Republicans. Second thought, it's his own damn fault for being there in the first place. C'mon brutha.


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