Sunday, May 13, 2012

In Celebration of the ManMosa

Summertime is...


Memorial Day may still be two weeks away, but this weekend's scrumptious temps has  got everyone in a summa state of mind.  As a result, all your favorite blog and periodical writers have sprung to their keyboards to share with you the one thing above all others that you just have to do/consume, lest you be relegated to your parent's basement for an eternity of furious masturbation.

Not to be outdone, I too, in close collaboration with the editorial team here at Greatness with Garrigan Gumption, am ready to declare the one thing you will need this summer season.

The 2012 Summertime must-have is The ManMosa.  Let's be honest, no one likes summer.  No one.  It is hot, you spend most of your day trying to sop up the copious amounts of menk your body unforgivingly oozes.  If we're being honest, we love Christmastime because it is cool outside and everyone is nice to everyone, you get presents and we feel loved -- and dammit all, we just want to be loved.

Be that as it may, it's Summertime.  What is Summertime about?  It is about wearing less clothes in the hopes someone will overlook your personality long enough to make the sexytime.  Luckily for all you unfortunates, the ManMosa is here.  The ManMosa combines the refreshment of a light hefeweizen, a healthy pour of Chernobyl-tainted vodka, and topped with OJ, you know, for Vitamin C.

But Patrick, how does the ManMosa work?

Here's the deal as relayed to me by Astoria-based toxicologist, Brian Gallagher:
  1. Pour a Blue Moon or comparably handy hefeweizen into an oversized pint glass
  2. Add 1 shot (1.5 oz.) of your favorite orange infused vodka
  3. Top with extra pulpy OJ (so you can chew on the pulpy bits the rest of the day)
  4. Prep the paternity tests!
So to review:

Also, get a chimp this summer. Chicks dig chimps.

We now return you to your game of "Where's the Thong" already in progress.

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