Sunday, March 25, 2012

Mad Men Season 5 Predictions


You guys, we did it.


We paid our taxes on time, we helped little old ladies across the street and we courtesy flushed nearly every time we had a buttplosion.  In exchange for all your goodness, God hath opened the heavens and delivered his servant,  Matthew Weiner, unto us so that we might be saved from repeat episodes of Undercover Boss. Amen.

Yes, my dearies, through our love, patience, and benevolence, we shall now return to the land of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.  But so much time has passed, where are our friends now? How will we even know what's happening?  WHERE ARE MY SHOES??? Tut-tut little children.  Based on no inside knowledge whatsoever, I proudly present to you GWGG's Season 5 Predictions.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Gone Drinkin'



Catch me if you can.

...but watch out.  If you're in a bar and you hear this, I've probably found you.


Happy St. Paddy's, alcoholics!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Lesley Stahl and Her Amazing Technicolor (Leather) Dreamcoat(s)



Waaait a minute! Jim Carrey? Where's Lesley Stahl?  I know where she is.  She's out buying colorful leather jackets.

60 Minutes is the best news magazine program out there.  It is the standard by which all others shall be measured.  I love this show.  I love it almost as much as I love going to the bank or a really crowded restaurant or the subway during rush hour and yelling to strangers, "OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE [INSERT HORRIBLY RELEVANT STORY / TOPIC] ON 60 MINUTES LAST NIGHT??? OMG, SOOO GOOD, RIGHT?"  They will sheepishly admit that they haven't and I will once again yell.  This time  I will yell, "YOU HAVEN'T??? OMG YOU'RE SOOOO MISSING OUT!!!"  Then I will retell each of the stories and making up details so it seems even sexier, causing the other person feel stupid for not watching what I have previously identified as the standard by which all news magazine programs will be measured by.  I like attention.


Throughout my years watching the program, I feel like I've gotten to know the anchors -intimately.  Not in a biblical sense, but more like a friend -a friend who's windows you peek in and periodically root through their garbage for items you refer to as "news artifacts".   One thing in particular I've noticed about my friend Lesley Stahl is she really likes wearing leather jackets of assorted colors.  Like, a lot.

Today I invite you to join me as we take a walk down Memory Lane with Lesley Stahl & Her Amazing Technicolor (Leather) Dreamcoat(s).

Help Disgustingly Talented People Do Weird Things



This is David Neumann.  He is disgustingly talented.  He has a multi-disciplinary performance company called Advanced Beginner Group.  The reason it is called this is because he's artsy and that's just the kind of name artsy people give to their groups.

Have you ever wanted to be artsy?  No? Okay, have you ever wanted to give money to people who are artsy? I can't hear you so I'm going to assume that's a yes.  Luckily there's an opportunity for you!  Here's just a little bit about the gig:


Are you pumped to help David do weird amazing things? Of course you are.


Just to give you a sense of his skills, this is an impromptu dance that David and I created at a wedding.


If he can create beautiful imagery like this on the fly, just imagine what he can do when he actually tries!  Give him some loot. I did and I feel fantastic.

THEATERONLINE.COM: Flight


Hey all, I'm back at it!  Be sure to click here to read about the state of the theatrical union as I review Alchemy Theatre Company of Manhattan’s quality production of Flight. Click here for the full review!

Sunday, March 04, 2012

The Registry



This is my Crate & Barrel scanner. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My Crate & Barrel scanner is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My Crate & Barrel scanner, without me, is useless. Without my Crate & Barrel scanner, I am useless. I must fire my Crate & Barrel scanner true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...

My Crate & Barrel scanner and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, or the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...

My Crate & Barrel scanner is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my Crate & Barrel scanner clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before God, I swear this creed. My Crate & Barrel scanner and myself are the defenders of my company'. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!

WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT? READ ON, SOLIDER!

Rum-Pa-Pa-Pum


I'm having a love affair with Rihanna.



...sorry 'bout it.

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