Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Selection of Greatness - Billy on the Street

Now that Christmas is over, I'm back to watching the teeveee.  Yes, I watch a lot of teevee.  Mostly because I'm lonely. Very, very lonely and there's only so many times you can cut your finger and toenails down to the quick.

In my television time, while sitting on a throne of nail clippings, I find myself playing Joaquin Phoenix's character in Gladiator deciding which programs will live in my DVR queue and which shall be scorned, subject to a life of abject shunnery.  Most programs ultimately end up receiving the death sentence after being weighed, measured, and found wanting.

So when a program comes along that provides me with a regular belly laugh (see: Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Tosh.0) well, I just have to share it with the masses.  Behold a new find!

Billy on the Street

So if you are able, watch this program on Fuse, and if you see a man with a microphone and a lamp -run.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Deviant Christmas Songs

Siiiiiiilent niiiiiiight, Hoooooooooolllly -FUCKING SHIT SANTA HAS AN AXE!!!  Have you noticed how terrifying and deviant those seemingly harmless Chrismas ditties you've been humming for the past few months are?  No?  Well, I have and it is pretty dawg-gone awful.  I say, I'm telling you that much!  Don't believe me? Read on...

Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Very #Astoriooous Union

Warmest wishes and sincere congratulations to GWGG resident health professional & podcast expert, Nurse Julie Wirth & Mike "Giggles" Bradley on their most blessed union.

The ceremony was fantastic -and I spent much of it choking back golden, angelic tears- but the subsequent wedding video Mike produced (below) struck me as being strangely familiar...

...and inviting Topol was a bit much.

In any event, congratulations, you crazy kids. May you procreate quickly so that you can dump that disgusting cat of yours.

Monday, December 05, 2011

The NYC Holiday Hit List

This sparkly-assed tree is in my apartment! You know what that means!

Artificial trees were on sale at Deals & Discounts! ...and Christmas, also.

The holidays are my favorite time of year in New York City -what with the getting black-out drunk and falling asleep in your clothes and awkward conversation at parties when all you're trying to do is clench your buttcheeks so you don't release a brie-induced cropduster, and oh the presents... all the disappointing, disappointing presents that you'll want to return but you won't because you're lazy and so they'll just collect dust next to your Nintendo Game Cube -which was a stupid fucking purchase in the first place.  Yes, that's Christmas to me.

With so much to do, however can you fit it all in?  Well tut-tut my dearies, I've taken the liberty of creating a Holiday Hit List to make sure you're able to get the most out of Unique New York's festive landscape.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Morning After

This is a picture of an establishment in Astoria, Queens that I may have patronized last night as part of a bachelor party for a friend. It is clear that I hate this friend or I never would have been complicit in taking him to such a shithole.

As I awoke this morning I felt a little bad about being in on the selection of such a horrible venue AND THEN actually purchasing him a lap dance for him at that same locale.  Plagued with a fleeting guilt, I texted my apologies.  This was his reply:
"It's ok. The seats back there were super dirty. It was either the coke or a general look of sadness in her eyes when she told me 'congratulations'."
And so let that be a lesson to you.  Fathers, pay attention to your daughters lest they be relegated to grinding on my hilariously dickish friends for cash.


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