Monday, August 22, 2011

7 Life Lessons from the Poors

Living like a rich person? Easy. Awesome. Living like a poor person, now that takes some talent.

We're going down, sweet baby Jesus, we're going down.  If you've been watching the news, you know our economic future is bleak.  Get your money out of the bank, hide it in a mattress and start stockpiling cigarettes -much like prison, it will be the only thing worth dick following the Economic Apocalypse: 3D ("it's like the crippling poverty reached out of the screen and touched me!").

In the hopes of getting some inspiration to weather the storm I read just the most charming article by Barry Ritholtz in the Washington Post entitled, "7 life lessons from the very wealthy."  While Barry looks like he takes himself too seriously based on his headshot, the piece had some interesting insights into the views of the fantastically rich. He goes on to even give us a hint as to what is like to have fortunes in excess of nine and 10 figures. Which for all you dum-dums out there, he explains, "that’s hundreds of millions to billions of dollars."

As I read it, I was like that is easy. You want some real lessons, look to the "new poors".  They're like "new money" but with markedly worse boob jobs, and also they're poor. Sharpen your pencils, shirbirds. Here comes some learning.

Rich Person Lesson #1: Having money is better than not having money.
GWGG Poor Person Lesson #1: Having money is better than not having money. Yeah, that one is the same.


Rich Person Lesson #2: Don’t become “cash rich” and “time poor.” 
GWGG Poor Person Lesson #2: Don't become "credit rich" and "car poor;" it increases the likelihood you'll be on Repo Games [Editorial: Can we all agree that show is FUCKED UP? Yes, we can.]

Rich Person Lesson #3: Memories are better than material objects.
GWGG Poor Person Lesson #3: But if the material objects you purchase are booze and meth, you don't have to worry about either!


Rich Person Lesson #4: Watch your “lifestyle leverage,” especially early in your career.
GWGG Poor Person Lesson #4: Hope to someday learn what "lifestyle leverage" means.

Rich Person Lesson #5: Having goals is incredibly important.
GWGG Poor Person Lesson #5: Having goals, you know, like not eating out of trash cans on Tuesdays is incredibly important.

Rich Person Lesson #6: You must live in the here and now.
GWGG Poor Person Lesson #6: As in you're probably going to be reduced to giving "handy's" for cash right here, right now.


Rich Person Lesson #7. It helps to be incredibly lucky.
GWGG Poor Person Lesson #7: Indeed it does.  Especially if you live in a place where people are prone to feeling "stabby."

So there you have it America! In closing, let us never forget, as they say in Latin, "Res sanus melior in Latin." (things always sound better in Latin). See ya all in Hooverville!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I really liked the article, and the very cool blog


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