Monday, August 08, 2011

5 Years of Gumption: The Wooden Anniversary

Traditionally, the gift you give someone celebrating their 5th Anniversary is wood.

As Greatness with Garrigan Gumption celebrates it's 5th Anniversary, I would like to thank you, my loyal readers, for giving me wood every single post.

It seems like just yesterday that I posted this picture of my dear pasty skin broiled by the unforgiving West Virginia sun in a feeble attempt to scream to the world, "I'm doing Beauty & the Beast, dammit," and in so doing validating my career as a performer.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane at some of the highlights of this lil' 'ol blog as I regale my ongoing pursuit of Greatness these five, grand years.

On this day when our entire financial infrastructure is headed for certain demise and we all begin eating hobo dinners (which are surprisingly more tasty than you might think), I would like to use this opportunity to share with you all the awesome things that this blog has brought me in an attempt to inspire you, the poors, to roll out of your Obama-Blankets™ and think about how great it must be to be me:

5 Ways in Which This Blog Has Rewarded Me Over The Past 5 Years
  1. A Book Deal - Do you know what is better that being revered  & FEARED as an expert and showered with praise and metaphorical handjobs? Literal handjobs Metaphorical handjobs in multiple languagesGet in on the magic here, Daddy still wants a bunglaow!
  2. Tickets to Spring Awakening - Nothing rewards writing dick and fart jokes quite like the sight of Lea Michele's "partially obstructed" tittays fa free.
  3. A Short-Lived Web Series - There's only one thing better than being a blog staaaaah! Being a   intertubes staaaah.  The only problem is I'm not from Staten Island.  Better luck next time.
  4. A Series of Freelance Theatre Critiques - Being a performer is hard.  Know was it not hard? Judging performers.  It pays better and the seats are comfier. ...and let's be honest I was doing it for years prior to this gig.
  5. A Really Big Ego - Like, really big
 But a blog like this doesn't just happen in a vacuum.  It takes a lot of people to inspire Greatness such as has been consistently exhibited in these chronicles over the past few years. People like...

Salli Melfi
Colin Donnell
Erick Pinnick
Ryan Swearingen

Bill Clinton
Andrew Walker
Lise Garrigan 
Noah Racey
Anderson Cooper
Alice Cooper
Andie MacDowell
The Fine Folks at Ghandi Haute Cuisine
Nurse Julie
Barack Obama
Steven Silverstein
The Barefoot Contessa
Kathy "Talentless Hack" Griffin
Britney Spears
George W. Bush
Sarah Palin
Michele Bachmann
Chelsea Handler's Rack
Sam Rockwell
Lindsey Lohan
Conan O'Brien
Criss Angel
Jonathan Margolis (who only reads this to make sure I don't say anything disparaging about clients)
David Copperfield
Danny Gardner
Emily Loftiss
Frenchie Davis' Fat Ass
Hillary Clinton
John Richardson
Scott Rad Brown
Kanye West
Mark Fisher
Sen. John McCain
Mickey Rooney's Leaky Bowels
Me Muver
Pat Sajak
The Pretensions of Phylicia Rashad
Timothy Dunn
Tittays the World Over

...but mostly me.  Keep reachin' for the stars Suckas!

Did I mention the wood was hollow?  Oh, yeah, it's hallow.  JKJKJKJK LOL, THANKS EVERYBODY!!!!


Anonymous said...

Nice article, thanks. I signed up to your rss feed!

rdsmgb said...

Thanks for the shoutout. It's been a pleasure watching you grow to this level of wood.


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