Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Ladies, Don't Die Alone

What's that, ladies? Man troubles got you down?

Well don't worry, I've brought in some help -and she's a nurse. She makes a diiiiiiference.  Also, she has access to drugs. Lots & lots of drugs.

That's right friends, this week we're bringing back GWGG's resident health care practitioner -our own little Sanjay Gupta- Nurse Julie Wirth, RN.

Oh sure, if you get "the clap" you can just pop some antibiotics, but there's no aged fungus I know of which can heal the owner of a lonely heart.

Recently, I had occasion to chat with Ms. Wirth where she regaled her own tales of dealing with adversity as a single girl in the big city.  "Patrick," she said to me, "there are a lot of numbnuts out there.  I found myself struggling to suss through the dweebs, dickweeds and douchebags; and then when I did find a guy I really thought I could settle down with (she lets out a long, wheezy, likely contagious sigh) I just couldn't seem to create the spark.

But then something changed for me. One day while searching for kittens who stretch out their arms when they're punched in the stomach, I found a clip which changed my life.

...and now I'm engaged."

And I have whoopin' cough.  So let this be a lesson to you ladies, the key to landing your Prince Charming is forcefully invading their personal space.  Grab a mint & I'll see you at the altar!

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