Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Social Conservative's Guide to Gay Marriage-Related Anger Reallocation

Uh oh! Looks like we've got two "tops" here! To those reading this from the Heartland this is funny because this and the fact that this is a cake topper, you see? Word play! Neat.

Unless you've been living in the closet -more word play!- you know that last Friday, the New York State Assembly & Senate passed the law allowing same sex couples to get married!  Remarkable times we live in, friends.  Now as I see it, there are a lot of really positive developments for me personally.  Namely: My friends who have been in long-standing committed relationships will have the opportunity to take advantage of the rights that I enjoy; I will, no doubt, be invited to some obscenely lavish weddings wherein I will embrace my innner-schnurer to snag all the centerpieces my meaty arms can ensnare; and perhaps most importantly, I can finally return from a Facebook feed which demands that I call my state representatives immediately to a feed which features videos about curious animals and people falling off stages -just the way I like it.

As you look at this list you probably think to yourself, "Wow! This is fantastic! How could anyone not be excited about this?" Well, there are some folks who may not agree with you.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Your Motherf*cking Children's Book Post

As a soon-to-be uncle, it's SO hard to find that right gift for your dear sibling about to have a baby explode out of them.  Luckily, I found just the thing.

So there you go. Now go the fuck to sleep.

Monday, June 13, 2011

TONY Tweet Time

They say the neon lights are bright on Broad....way somewhere in the 70's which is actually on the Upper West Side and not the Theatre District, but whatever -and they say Neil Patrick Harris too was there!

Not only was he there, but there were other nouns too! Nouns like Hugh Jackman, a puppet horse and Christina Hendrick's tittays. What exactly did you miss, you squeal? Well let's find out.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

The Palins Are Coming! The Palins Are Coming!

...but not necessarily to the White House.

My birthday may not be until Wednesday, but I got an early present from my favorite little spitfire Sarah Palin! Yes friends, America's Sexiest Maverick™has taken to the road with a big, stinking tour bus which, I hope, only gets 1/2 a mile to the gallon, because I get so hot when she says, "drill baby drill," -obvious allusions to offshore oiling drilling, sex.

While I was creating working titles for what I thought was going to be a big tour to kick off her presidential campaign (ie. "Money Shot: Coming from Sea to Sea"), she claims not so.  Recently she was said to have wistfully wondered aloud, "can't a woman just rent a $250,000 a week luxury tour bus and randomly travel around the country all willy nilly, telling the press you're going to go to Gettysburg to get all folksy -AND THEN NOT GO TO GETTYSBURG AT ALL!!!??? LULZVILLE!!!!"  She's so silly.

However, despite all the presidential speculation, it seems my 'lil dreamboat has another objective entirely in mind.


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