Monday, May 30, 2011

The Barefoot Contessa Is Nothing More Than A Knobby Corn on the Toe of Life

This is the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten.

...and these are her feet..

...(maybe).  Yes, these pictures may be horribly ugly, but not half as ugly as what you'll find after the jump.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation is a truly wonderful organization.  Here is a group that says, if a kid is dying and they want to do something exceptional or otherwise out of their reach before they die, they should be able to.  Makes sense. We acknowledge this as a worthwhile enterprise because we have, oh you know, a basic understanding as to the value of human life -especially when it comes to children who haven't had  time to realize their dreams on their own.  We all get this.  Well, not all of us:

You were replaced by dolphins you poor-man's Martha Stewart.

Ina, let's break down the facts:
  • A dying kid wants his last wish to be to cook a meal with you.
  • You make food for a living. Really, that's all you do.
  • In response to this request, you replied with a "soft no"citing scheduling conflicts with your book tour.
  • The youngster up there, Enzo, lives in Portland, Oregon. Many people cook in Portland, Oregon. Might make a nice stop for a book tour.
  • Upon a second request -a year later- your team responds with a "definite no".  Because cooking dishes and signing books make it impossible to go to ever go to Portland.
  • Enzo's family blog writes about their disappointment on the family blog.
  • TMZ discovers the blog, and shines a light on the rebuffed request. (You know you're a piece of shit when T-M-Z has the moral high-ground.)
  • PR debacle ensues.
  • Only then do you decide that you would allow the sick kid to come to you to cook a meal. Which makes sense because I'm sure it's easier for a terminally sick child to hop on a cross-country flight than it is for you to get your fat ass on a plane.
  • By this time, he doesn't even care because dolphins are cooler than D-list celeb chefs anyway.

"How easy is that," indeed.

I am sure there are those of you who will come to her defense and I'm happy to entertain this conversation as well:

"Well, her reps are the ones who turned him down." When you are the head of an organization such as she is, the buck stops with you.  If your reps suck, you suck.  As the manager of her brand & image, if they were representing her poorly, she needs to get in front of it and make it right.

"She ultimately said she would meet with him." Yes, but only after being embarrassed in the press and even then she requested he come to her, no apology, just a tepid invitation for an offer that would never be taken up.

"Just because she's famous, doesn't mean she's obligated to entertain every charity that reaches out to her." I absolutely agree.  I'm sure she's hit up for cash and donations and kidneys.  That said, and I don't know for a fact, but I would imagine given her niche-fame, she doesn't cook a meal with a terminal kid on a daily basis.  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she's inundated with these very requests, probably a real downer for her.

For the reasons outlined here, I would like to present Ina Garten with the revered, Terry the Turd Award for excellence in the field of inflated sense of self-importance exhibited by those who perform easy to moderately easy tasks. 

I also think Al Roker is a jerk, but I'll get to that later.

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