Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Squeezing Out Some Country / Rap


Do you like the classy ladies?  Do you know the way to their heart?  No? Well, have I got the answer for you: Country music.

I remember my days back in the OH-I-O, I used to get all the ladies.  Like allll the chicks.  So many chicks. I had chicks everywhere around me, actin' all chick-like.  What was the secret to my success? A charmin' little song, a little song called "John Deere Green."



Fellas, if you love a girl you should always, always, always do your graffiti in John Deere green. How else will she know that you love her? She won't and you'll die sad and alone.  Just like your mom always said you would.  Sorry, you're not her favorite.

Man, country music is awesome.  Over time, afer all that chick-gettin', I started to feel as though it might be missing something.


Oh, sure writing "Billy Bob loves Charlene" is nice and stuff -especially if your name is Billy Bob.  But as I see it, it began to lack a certain je ne sais quoi.  The kind of quoi that could only be found by combining the Greatness of aw-shucksy romanticism with the feminine objectification of a good 'ol fashioned rap video:



But can these two beautiful mediums meet to exert even greater power over your intended prey?  Yes, yes they can and I have the answer:

COUNTRY + RAP = C-RAP!

Impossible? No!  Why I just heard some C-RAP music yesterday on the American Country Music Awards.  Just look! He really gets to C-Rappin' at 0:37.



That is some hardcore C-RAP!  The more I think about it, this music isn't about droppin' some hardcore C-RAP in ladies ears -I mean that's great, don't get me wrong- but it has so many more practical applications!  Just look!

C-RAP MAKES A GREAT GIFT

C-RAP IS PERFECT FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO TAKE A LOAD OFF

THERE'S PROBABLY SOME HOT C-RAP DROPPING IN A STORE NEAR YOU!

C-RAP IS GREAT FOR LONG ROADTRIPS, WHEN YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO STOP

LADIES ARE EVEN GETTING INVOLVED CREATING SOME STELLAR FEMALE HITS, OR "SH-HITS"!

C-RAP HAS BECOME A REGULAR PHENOMENON!

BEWARE THOUGH, SOME C-RAP STINKS!


LIKE IT OR NOT, TODAY'S C-RAP STARS ARE COUNTED AMONG THE NATION'S NEW ROYALTY AND I WOULDN'T EXPECT THEM TO GIVE UP THE THRONE ANY TIME SOON.

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