Sunday, April 10, 2011

GWGG vs. 'Loftiss Says' Clothing Sale



This is Emily Loftiss.


This is Emily Loftiss' ass.

And this week on a very special edition of GWGG, Emily Loftiss takes off all of her clothes...

...and sells them to you at UNBELIEVABLY LOW PRICES!!!

Many of you theatre trash out there may know Ms. Loftiss as fashionista, thespian impressario, and future keeper of the sexuality secrets of Ryan Seacrest.  But word on the street is Emily has skeletons in her closet!  Skeletons that wear her clothes when she's not there to do so herself.

This week Ms. Loftiss published a blog post in which she outlined assorted items that had been taking up space in her closet and placed them ON SALE for you, the poors / uglies to wear at home in an attempt to try to recreate scenarios wherein Emily fabulously displayed her finery on the red carpet at Fashion Week, while socializing at posh Broadway openings and additional items worn during her shifts as a part-time greeter at the Thomasville, GA Sears.  I strongly encourage you to check out Ms. Loftiss' offerings. For all things fashion, Emily does embody Greatness, and to these strengths I must recommend her.  Please click here and take a quick moment now to review her fine collection of ladies haberdashery by opening this link in a new tab.

Impressive to be sure.  That said, as I have outlined in the past, everything with me is a competition.  So not to be outdone, I've taken to my own closet to see what fierce items I could place on sale.  So with that in mind & with a rival spirit, I proudly present...


Greatness with Garrigan Gumption CLOTHING & BRIC-A-BRAC SALE!!!!!!




I am having my first Clothing & Bric-A-Brac Sale on GWGG!!!!!! Everything I’m selling is in PASSABLE condition and probably doesn't have bed bugs.  Basically, I have just worn them all at either at comic book conventions, Halloween parties or times when I've needed "a really good cry," so it’s time for them to belong to someone else. Yay for you!!!! So please take advantage of this sale!

Here are the rules: EVERY PURCHASE IS FINAL (especially on undergarments, no questions asked please). If you live in NYC, I can come by and drop them off.  If there's something good on TV or if you ordered from some place nice (like Ghandi Haute Indian Cuisine -I really like that joint), I'll stay and have the lamb Rogan Josh. If you live anywhere in the US the shipping is: $15 for small items & the actual cost of shipping & $75 for larger items plus the cost of shipping.  I don't really like to walk to the Post Office because I am horribly busy, and what kind of a person doesn't live in New York anyway? A person with limited aspirations, that's who.  I will determine what the shipping will be before any transactions are made, so mind your P's & Q's if you know what's good for you, chuckles.  If you are interested in any of these items please email me at greatness.with.gumption@gmail.com and I’ll get back to you asap! Let’s give these fab / slightly-soiled things a new home!

TARGET BAT NOVELTY BOXER SHORTS - $35
(Perfect for Halloween or Twilight viewing parties, worn 1 - 2 times per month from 2002 - 2011)


WAL-MART FLORAL PRINT TIE - $15
(Worn at 8th grade academic awards banquet.  Also seen in 2010 polygamist cult member Halloween costume)



TONY LAMA BLACK POINTY TOE BOOTS - $250
(I would say that these boots are made for walking, but actually, they're not.  The pointy tips went ape-shit on pinky toe.  OWWWIE! People said I looked like I was wearing women's boots, also. So do what you will with that little tid bit, cowboy!)



VINTAGE 1999 WIFE BEATER - INCLUDES LIFE-LIKE PIT STAIN DISTRESS MARKS - $10 or B.O.
(Never lack for authenticity here, folks.  This shirt says, "I work, I sweat, I need new undershirts.")


CAPEZIO HIS & HERS DANCE BELTS - $50
(These dance belts kept my package, packaged while performing in Matthew Bourne's The Smurfs.  You heard right, my frank & beans touched these puppies. Minimal residual odor.)




ALOHA! HAWAIIAN SHIRT - $300 Not for sale anymore, I like looking at the lady's pointy tittays.
(I stole this from an old dude.)



 ED HARDY LION BALL CAP - $75
(Won this at a bar because I know a lot about TV theme songs. A must-have when looking like a douche bag is on your to-do list.)



ORANGE SOCCER SOCKS - $10
(Orange is the color of the season.  Great for kicking balls.)



PATRICK GARRIGAN'S EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE - $Gratis
(Fits easily in most overhead compartments.)

Please forward this to anyone who would be interested!!!!!! I have minimal storage options at Casa de Greatness!!!  Email me at greatness.with.gumption@gmail.com with any questions and tell me what you are interested in purchasing!!!! HAPPY SHOPPING!

Well, what say you?  Who's got the better offerings?  Some lame-ass pret a porte designer schlock or time-tested, Greatness approved awesomeness? HMMMMMMM?  Let me know in the comments or let Emily know on her Fan Page here.  It's your voice, your vote America. Chose wisely.

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