Thursday, February 24, 2011

It's The Least You Can Do

You have a voice! And it's a little more nasal than you think!

Ladies and gentlemen, we live in exceptional times!  Between the revolutions in the Middle East, union & budget debates in the Midwest, the threat of a federal government shut down and the removal of the McRib on the Dollar Menu there is big news in the world!

If you're anything like me, you've felt the conflict of wanting to get involved with the need to see who is going to be on the next Dancing with the StarsHow does one reconcile these seemingly opposing desires?  I've got just the thing for you!

You can sign a petition!  It's the least you can do.  No, really it is the absolute least thing that you can do. Rather than get up from your comfortably seated position, you can do something that only requires your ability to know where the letters and numbers are on a keyboard and your toasty laptop stays right where it belongs, on your lap! What a country!

To help get you started in this most excellent democratic exercise I started a petition just for you, the lazy!

Wouldn't you know it, that person/group you don't like is at it again doing that thing that you don't like!

How many times have you watched TV and gotten SOOO very mad at that thing, right guys?  Luckily, you have a PINT of Ben & Jerry's delicious ice cream and an internet connection to sign an e-petition that says to the world, "I have a vague knowledge of this topic and I care enough to sign my name and address to this e-thingy, but not enough to give any money or, like, have to volunteer to do any actual work and stuff." And it's really important that you do this because then like-minded organizations can harvest your email for tangential causes, and darn it all, it just feels good.

Unfortunately, that group that you don't like is back up to their tricks!  Underhanded, tricky tricks no less! Yes, this obscure, but veeeery ominous organization is working around the clock to bring down that thing that you really, really like using their deep pockets lined with big-business and/or liberal elite monies totaling the entire GDP of Botswana -which is just lovely this time of year.  You must stop them from doing this thing to bring down the thing that you don't want brought down by signing the petition to petition to protect petitions.

It is only through signing this petition that we can say to these people that don't like that that thing is important to us, "Hey! We like this thing and don't like that you don't like this thing, silly!" From here, we can use this, uh, momentum to protect petitions and give voice to our cause and most importantly provide you with another petition!  Then our cause will take flight and we'll soar. Oh, how we'll soar.  Soar like eagles -yes, just like soaring, political, petition-signing eagles!

Oh, and don't forget about your unborn children!  Shouldn't they have the right to sign a petition on their computers???  Do you want to be a failure to your hypothetical children?

So sign this petition today or else you'll lose like 6 rights tonight!  Those people who don't like that thing you like are probably peering in your windows right now. That's just the sort of thing they like to do and you and your petition(s) deserve better.


This is your moment! Sign the petition today by clicking here. Don't let the U.S. Americans down!


Anonymous said...

I think you may want a "to" after volunteer. -anonymous

Anonymous said...


This is a inquiry for the webmaster/admin here at

Can I use some of the information from your post above if I give a backlink back to your website?



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