Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Selection of Greatness - Billy on the Street


Now that Christmas is over, I'm back to watching the teeveee.  Yes, I watch a lot of teevee.  Mostly because I'm lonely. Very, very lonely and there's only so many times you can cut your finger and toenails down to the quick.


In my television time, while sitting on a throne of nail clippings, I find myself playing Joaquin Phoenix's character in Gladiator deciding which programs will live in my DVR queue and which shall be scorned, subject to a life of abject shunnery.  Most programs ultimately end up receiving the death sentence after being weighed, measured, and found wanting.

So when a program comes along that provides me with a regular belly laugh (see: Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Tosh.0) well, I just have to share it with the masses.  Behold a new find!


Billy on the Street

So if you are able, watch this program on Fuse, and if you see a man with a microphone and a lamp -run.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Deviant Christmas Songs



Siiiiiiilent niiiiiiight, Hoooooooooolllly -FUCKING SHIT SANTA HAS AN AXE!!!  Have you noticed how terrifying and deviant those seemingly harmless Chrismas ditties you've been humming for the past few months are?  No?  Well, I have and it is pretty dawg-gone awful.  I say, I'm telling you that much!  Don't believe me? Read on...

Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Very #Astoriooous Union



Warmest wishes and sincere congratulations to GWGG resident health professional & podcast expert, Nurse Julie Wirth & Mike "Giggles" Bradley on their most blessed union.

The ceremony was fantastic -and I spent much of it choking back golden, angelic tears- but the subsequent wedding video Mike produced (below) struck me as being strangely familiar...


...and inviting Topol was a bit much.

In any event, congratulations, you crazy kids. May you procreate quickly so that you can dump that disgusting cat of yours.

Monday, December 05, 2011

The NYC Holiday Hit List


This sparkly-assed tree is in my apartment! You know what that means!


Artificial trees were on sale at Deals & Discounts! ...and Christmas, also.

The holidays are my favorite time of year in New York City -what with the getting black-out drunk and falling asleep in your clothes and awkward conversation at parties when all you're trying to do is clench your buttcheeks so you don't release a brie-induced cropduster, and oh the presents... all the disappointing, disappointing presents that you'll want to return but you won't because you're lazy and so they'll just collect dust next to your Nintendo Game Cube -which was a stupid fucking purchase in the first place.  Yes, that's Christmas to me.

With so much to do, however can you fit it all in?  Well tut-tut my dearies, I've taken the liberty of creating a Holiday Hit List to make sure you're able to get the most out of Unique New York's festive landscape.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Morning After



This is a picture of an establishment in Astoria, Queens that I may have patronized last night as part of a bachelor party for a friend. It is clear that I hate this friend or I never would have been complicit in taking him to such a shithole.

As I awoke this morning I felt a little bad about being in on the selection of such a horrible venue AND THEN actually purchasing him a lap dance for him at that same locale.  Plagued with a fleeting guilt, I texted my apologies.  This was his reply:
"It's ok. The seats back there were super dirty. It was either the coke or a general look of sadness in her eyes when she told me 'congratulations'."
And so let that be a lesson to you.  Fathers, pay attention to your daughters lest they be relegated to grinding on my hilariously dickish friends for cash.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Cooking with Lisa - Thanksgiving Episode


Do you know what this is?


This is only the kitchen that created the World's Finest Thanksgiving Dinner™-you know, no big deal.  But do you know what this also means? More rhetorical questions? No! It means it's time for yet another episode of Cooking with Lisa!

This episode boasts a whole host of new additions: A change of venue, new assistants and I get all up in a turkey's guts.  Alright, stop squealing.  Your episode awaits you...


So on behalf of Greatness with Garrigan Gumption, The Garrigan-Richardsons and "Larry" have yourself a very Happy Thanksgiving and you may now begin watching this:

Monday, November 21, 2011

About "A Bag of Dicks"



Evidently, there’s a new item on all of my friends Christmas list this holiday season.


A bag of dicks.

Yes, not a day goes by in which I am not instructed to by one of my friends to, “go suck a bag of dicks” or “eat a bag of dicks.”  Excuse me if this is apparent, but I have awful, awful friends.  However, I’m a pleaser so when I get requests such as this, I want to do whatever I can to at least entertain the directive and find some sort of compromise.

With that in mind, there are limits to the areas of my expertise, and as such I’d like to take a moment to help mitigate a few outstanding points that will help inform my future engagement or abstention from working with “a bag of dicks.”

Sunday, November 13, 2011

The Godfather: Part I – A Weekend At Baptism Prep



I’m on my way back from Boston where I spent the weekend with my sister, Lise, her husband, John, and their young’un, Calvin.  The main purpose of my trip was to take a class at the Holy [Insert Name, really, any Catholic-y Name will do.] Church to be prepared to welcome Calvin into the perpetually guilt-ridden Catholic faith.

When Lise, first asked if I'd become the Godfather, well, it didn’t go like a typical Godfather request.  Because we’re not a typical family.  We’re “connected,” ya see?  The scene, familiar to any cinephile [or if it's not familiar to you, you can click here], went a little more like this:

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Marathons for Lazy Folk


Have you ever thought to yourself, "you know, I could probably run a marathon if I put my mind to it."


Well, you can't.  It's hard and you're lazy.

Fortunately, for all you disgusting slobs out there, I found something that will allow you to sidestep all that training and sweating and grunting and carb loading and nipple greasing and expensive shoe buying and hoping your significant other will notice that you do have ambition, goddammit!! 

All you have to do, is find yourself a fake finish line, cross it  and enjoy the resulting accolades.  You know, like this:


See, wasn't that nice?  You may now return to eating your feelings.

Monday, October 24, 2011

GWGG Joins D&G

Welllll helloooooooo! In celebration of this month being multi-media month (in the editorial calendar I quite literally just made up), we took the show to the illustrious Dave & Giggles program.  During this time I waxed poetic about Churchill, thongs and peeing straight.  So turn up your speakers and listen to this while you do your dishes.  'Cause seriously, you need to do your dishes, that shit is disgusting.




Podcast Powered By Podbean

And there you have it, my little chickedees. All the news that's fit to swear about on the interwebs.  I like to think of this new little partnership as the Gray Lady of dick and fart jokes.

Also, "handy." There. Now I will have said it three times. Thank you.

[Editorial Note:  This post was created in conjunction with Dave & Giggles.  This podcast runs weekly on Sundays at 10pm and you can hear more by clicking here.  If you or someone you know is a stripper would make a great guest, shoot me an email and I would be happy to put you in touch!]

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Hilfigers


These are my friends: The Hilfigers.


What do you mean you don't believe me?  I have proof.  Take a looksee right here.


And there you have it, you Doubting Thomas, you.  On this day, the holes are not stigmata in my hands and feet, the hole is in my heart. ...and just for that you don't get any cashmere sweaters. Not. A. One.

Happy Fall, friends!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Part-Time Model


I could be a part-time model...



...but I'd probably still have to keep my normal job.

Sunday, October 09, 2011

The Lost Andy Rooney Sign Off


The last bastion grumpy old mandom has signed off.  At the ripe old age of 92, Mr. Andy Rooney gave his 1,097th commentary on why the internet sucks and how people should write more letters and his seemingly endless reserve of "I remember back during World War II when I was a reporter and personally kicked Hitler in the nuts" anecdotes.

You can find the full segment featured a week or two ago outlining his career here.



What was truly unfortunate is, despite the lovely send off and career retrospective, CBS edited down his remarks, not allowing Rooney the opportunity to enjoy his unfettered bully-pulpit one last time.  Luckily for you all, I have gotten my hands on the draft Andy was going to present as he says goodbye to the show he's worked on since the late 70's.  A draft which I will share with you now.


ROONEY:

Have you ever noticed when people retire from a job that they've held for 20 or more years, they do this thing were they talk about how great their job was and how much they loved the people they worked with? My dad worked on the railroad, he got a watch when he retired. He gave that watch to me.  Once, when I was in Bangkok, I traded that watch to a masseuse for a handy. 

My work here -and I say work because I got a paycheck and that's how working works- was just fine.  I mean it could've been worse, I could have been a masseuse in Thailand rubbin' out an old fart like me. But I'd like to take a few moments and tell you what it was like to work with the "professionals" here at CBS:
  • Lesley Stahl - great in the sack
  • Scott Pelley - has no penis
  • Morley Safer - haaaates women, also never washes his hands after using the bathroom
  • Lara Logan - once told me I smell like a bag of salt & vinegar potato chips -I've never forgiven her for that, the bitch
  • And I guess there are other people who work here, but I haven't taken the time to learn their names because I'm old and they keep me locked in this room.
Maybe it's me, but I hate you all.

As I start to round out my final days, a lot of people ask me what I'm going to do with myself to keep busy.  The answer is simple, I'm going to be a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race.


Yes, I know many of you see me as a paragon of masculinity & virility, but when I caught a bit of the show once on an aeroplane, I knew I wanted in on the magic. There's something about watching these talented performers hide their sausages and shoot glitter from their assholes that I just had to be a part of.  Yes, this is a new Andy Rooney, shitbirds. My role, a new addition to the program, will involve me sitting in a chair in the center of the judging room, and from this vantage the contestants will sing to me, sit on my lap and twirl my hair in their fingers.  It is going to be a hoot.

So as I sign off, I just want to say, thanks for the memories, suckers.  Also, YOU BETTER WERK!!! [3 snaps in z-formation).

###


I did not see that coming.  In any event, happy travels to you, Andy.  I won't miss looking at that weird thing on your lip, however.


Gross.

Sunday, October 02, 2011

I Am Shufflin', Everyday


Folks, I've said it afore and I'll say it again...

...I live an active lifestyle.

Yes compadres, for the past 4 weeks I've been traversing this great land staying in hotels, banging skanks and expensing lavish dinners.  It's kinda my thing.

Along my travels, I wanted to find an anthem that best summarized what it was like to be me (you know, to provide some aspirational programming).  I happened upon just the thing by way of a handful of hip-hop hamsters.



So let this be a lesson to you.  May you always wear your lame track jacket during post-Apocalyptic fire-fights, but most importantly, may you be shufflin', everyday.

What is your anthem Gumptioneers? Lemme know in the comments below.  Or don't -I don't care. I may be too busy shufflin' to read them.  ...but probably not.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A Flash Mob Reminder: You're Never Fully Dressed...


Often times, I get up, put on clothes and I compliment myself on how fantastic I look in them.  With all the hustle and bustle of living an active lifestyle, however, sometimes I find my sartorial stylings incomplete.  Luckily for me, these nimble retirees showed up at the AARP convention (which I happened to be attending -don't ask) to remind me of that most essential accessory:



So remember, you're never fully dressed without a smile -or pants. Never forget.  ...and you can trust these people. They're old, they know stuff.

[FULL DISCLOSURE: I may have had something to do with this. Who's to say? It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.]

Monday, September 05, 2011

Your Labor Day Interweb Round-Up


Hello all my Right Thinking American friends!  I hope you're all having an incredible Labor Day, which involved as little labor as possible.  Me? I dusted. Thanks for asking.

What has the Labor Movement done for you to warrant a day off from work? Well, it gave you the 40 hour work week (you know, if you can get a job), safety regulations and a minimum wage.  Well done, Labor Movement, I think it's time for your 6 hour smoke break now.

The more I thought about "Labor," the more I realized sometimes here at GWGG I do make you do a lot of the heavy lifting here by forcing you to string the words posted to this site to create sentences and (hopefully) wildly inspirational thoughts of Greatness.

Well not this week!  This week say goodbye to laborious literacy and hello to a visual vacation!

Get STATED, You 'Ol So-And-So!



Are you a narcissist like me? Of course you are!  Our friends over at STATED have a fun thing-a-majig going on. You can get your pic and a quote turned into a STATED-style profile image (all designed 'n shit) to be posted on statedmag.com and your Facebook, natch. You can look as attractive as I do and get some more details by clicking here!



DO EEET NOW!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Safety First: What You Need To Know About Irene





Ruh roh, kids! A storm's a comin'!

Now while I have been the first to make jokes and have nicknames for all the members of my Monday morning looting party (Skipper, Spider & Samantha -we're not sexist, this is 2011), the fact remains we don't know what's gonna happen do we? No, we don't.  On Tuesday an earthquake, on Sunday a hurricane, what's next...?



Well, in preparation, WNYC put together this pretty fantastic interactive map that shows the zones the city has been broken into AND MORE IMPORTANTLY YOUR EVACUATION LOCATION (red dots).  I've given you the Greatness World Headquarters as a starting place, but you can find your own hovel by scrolling around. Don't bother going to the Mayor's Office or the NYC.gov sites as they've been bogged down and you'll spend all night refreshing only to download a shitty 2MB map that has no detail. I need details, man.




In addition to these items, the city (with some finessing from me) has suggested the following ways to prepare for the storm:

Stay indoors. If you go outside during a hurricane, then you are either impervious to pain like Anderson Cooper, or are an idiot. Let's hope you're neither and you just stay inside.

Avoid being near glass windows. For your own safety stay in rooms with no or few windows. Don't stand or congregate in a glassed-in vestibules or atriums. Chances are, if you have a glassed-in atrium you're on a private jet to Palm Springs, but if not, stay away from it, okay guys?

Fill your bathtub with water, just in case. I guess this way if the pipes burst you're covered and you'll have drinking water, but also after a stressful, traumatic experience like a hurricane, you may just want to have a good soak and let Calgon take you away...

Hang out with friends, relatives or prostitutes. No one wants to die alone, not even whores.

Stock up on booze (and essentials). I mean you're indoors, you may as well be drunk and full. Then just sleep it off until Monday when the news trucks arrive to record your horror at the devastation and you're given the opportunity to lament, "I never thought this could happen to me, not here," in a thick Southern drawl eliciting both pity and ridicule.

Know where your evacuation center is in the event you need to use it. All I'm saying is if my windows get blown out, the party will be relocated to the Newcomers High School on 29th Street & 41st Avenue. What! What!

Charge your electronics devices. ...lest ye be relegated to reading and unable to tweet.

Get renter's insurance in the next 10 minutes.

Buy condoms. If you're nestling in with a loved one or marooned with another equally lusty harlot, bring protection.  Don't let "a baby" be added below "water damage" on the list of things you will now have to pay for as a result of this weekend.

Have low-tack tape on-hand. If the wind is kicking up and your window start to look like saran wrap place tape on the panes of glass from edge to edge until it looks like you've turned your window into a really crappy Tiffany lamp.  It might not do any good but at least you'll feel like you're doing something, so you know, that's nice.

Inflate your Aerobed now. You can either use it for your impending sleepover or use it to search for survivors as you paddle down your new backyard water park. Double rainbow either way!

Have a "Go Bag" or you'll feel like a "D Bag".  You guys know what goes in these, but if you don't you can go here and fill it up with all the amenities your heart desires.  When the tide does come -and believe me you, it's comin' mister- hold your vittles high and pronounce yourself Lord of the Flies.


In closing, as Mayor Mike says, "We can joke about this on Monday morning, but until then this is a matter of life and death."  With that I raise a frothy glass of Wolaver Oatmeal Stout and proudly proclaim, "TO LIFE!"

Monday, August 22, 2011

7 Life Lessons from the Poors


Living like a rich person? Easy. Awesome. Living like a poor person, now that takes some talent.




We're going down, sweet baby Jesus, we're going down.  If you've been watching the news, you know our economic future is bleak.  Get your money out of the bank, hide it in a mattress and start stockpiling cigarettes -much like prison, it will be the only thing worth dick following the Economic Apocalypse: 3D ("it's like the crippling poverty reached out of the screen and touched me!").

In the hopes of getting some inspiration to weather the storm I read just the most charming article by Barry Ritholtz in the Washington Post entitled, "7 life lessons from the very wealthy."  While Barry looks like he takes himself too seriously based on his headshot, the piece had some interesting insights into the views of the fantastically rich. He goes on to even give us a hint as to what is like to have fortunes in excess of nine and 10 figures. Which for all you dum-dums out there, he explains, "that’s hundreds of millions to billions of dollars."

As I read it, I was like that is easy. You want some real lessons, look to the "new poors".  They're like "new money" but with markedly worse boob jobs, and also they're poor. Sharpen your pencils, shirbirds. Here comes some learning.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Gumption Goes HGTV


Do you know these assholes?


Of course you do!  This is a picture of Robert and Cortney Novogratz, professional awful people.  These two jokers used to have a show on Bravo cringeably titled, 9 By Design. Not surprisingly, it was cancelled due to lack of watch-ability and the fact that they wear way too many scarves.

Now they're bringing their unique brand of Brooklynite name-drop-ridden tour de pretension to HGTV in a new program called, Home by Novogratz! The show does the same thing all those shows do: They take ugly peoples' homes and make them super nice -but this one adds aloofness and mind-numbing catchphrases like, "you've been Novogratzed!" These are the horrible people who's conversations you overhear at a restaurant and want to punch in the genitals.

As I watched this parade of the pompous, I couldn't help but think to myself, "I could totally do this.  I'm really good at life." And so I did.

Monday, August 08, 2011

5 Years of Gumption: The Wooden Anniversary


Traditionally, the gift you give someone celebrating their 5th Anniversary is wood.


As Greatness with Garrigan Gumption celebrates it's 5th Anniversary, I would like to thank you, my loyal readers, for giving me wood every single post.

It seems like just yesterday that I posted this picture of my dear pasty skin broiled by the unforgiving West Virginia sun in a feeble attempt to scream to the world, "I'm doing Beauty & the Beast, dammit," and in so doing validating my career as a performer.


Let's take a stroll down memory lane at some of the highlights of this lil' 'ol blog as I regale my ongoing pursuit of Greatness these five, grand years.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sunny Goes Lifetime


There are only a handful of good TV programs.  These programs are Mad Men, Meet the Press, 60 Minutes and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  All of the others are crap.  All of them.

Sunny has stepped up it's game entirely by launching the most inspirational ads ever. Ever. Watch and enjoy.







Mark your calendars, shitbirds.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Ladies, Don't Die Alone


What's that, ladies? Man troubles got you down?


Well don't worry, I've brought in some help -and she's a nurse. She makes a diiiiiiference.  Also, she has access to drugs. Lots & lots of drugs.


That's right friends, this week we're bringing back GWGG's resident health care practitioner -our own little Sanjay Gupta- Nurse Julie Wirth, RN.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Ebay Ruined My Weekend


Living like a shut-in really isn't that bad. You know, once you've come to grips with the pungent odor of your own menk.


And thanks to Ebay, I have descended down the sad, dark free-fall of someone who has inventoried all their possessions and has them pre-packaged and "ready to ship!" at a moment's notice.

My tale, dear reader, relays that most timeless truth, the online garage sale is the slipperiest of slopes.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Planking is Dumb


This is planking. It is dumb. That's really all you need to know.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Calvin-ism: The Nephew


And God said, "give unto the yuppie couple, a healthy baby boy and because I love them; call him Calvin for I am God and I love Calvinism too because I'm good at picking out people I like."  God also loves run on sentences.


And it was so.

I was out on Sunday night, like a good American, raising numerous flagons of ale in celebration of our nation's independence from the British and dependence on the Chinese, when suddenly out of the blue  at 3 in the morning, this happened to me:



Or maybe not, I had consumed many flagons of ale, mind you. Wait, maybe that's not right...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Social Conservative's Guide to Gay Marriage-Related Anger Reallocation


Uh oh! Looks like we've got two "tops" here! To those reading this from the Heartland this is funny because this and the fact that this is a cake topper, you see? Word play! Neat.

Unless you've been living in the closet -more word play!- you know that last Friday, the New York State Assembly & Senate passed the law allowing same sex couples to get married!  Remarkable times we live in, friends.  Now as I see it, there are a lot of really positive developments for me personally.  Namely: My friends who have been in long-standing committed relationships will have the opportunity to take advantage of the rights that I enjoy; I will, no doubt, be invited to some obscenely lavish weddings wherein I will embrace my innner-schnurer to snag all the centerpieces my meaty arms can ensnare; and perhaps most importantly, I can finally return from a Facebook feed which demands that I call my state representatives immediately to a feed which features videos about curious animals and people falling off stages -just the way I like it.

As you look at this list you probably think to yourself, "Wow! This is fantastic! How could anyone not be excited about this?" Well, there are some folks who may not agree with you.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Your Motherf*cking Children's Book Post


As a soon-to-be uncle, it's SO hard to find that right gift for your dear sibling about to have a baby explode out of them.  Luckily, I found just the thing.



So there you go. Now go the fuck to sleep.

Monday, June 13, 2011

TONY Tweet Time


They say the neon lights are bright on Broad....way somewhere in the 70's which is actually on the Upper West Side and not the Theatre District, but whatever -and they say Neil Patrick Harris too was there!


Not only was he there, but there were other nouns too! Nouns like Hugh Jackman, a puppet horse and Christina Hendrick's tittays. What exactly did you miss, you squeal? Well let's find out.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

The Palins Are Coming! The Palins Are Coming!


...but not necessarily to the White House.


My birthday may not be until Wednesday, but I got an early present from my favorite little spitfire Sarah Palin! Yes friends, America's Sexiest Maverick™has taken to the road with a big, stinking tour bus which, I hope, only gets 1/2 a mile to the gallon, because I get so hot when she says, "drill baby drill," -obvious allusions to offshore oiling drilling, sex.


While I was creating working titles for what I thought was going to be a big tour to kick off her presidential campaign (ie. "Money Shot: Coming from Sea to Sea"), she claims not so.  Recently she was said to have wistfully wondered aloud, "can't a woman just rent a $250,000 a week luxury tour bus and randomly travel around the country all willy nilly, telling the press you're going to go to Gettysburg to get all folksy -AND THEN NOT GO TO GETTYSBURG AT ALL!!!??? LULZVILLE!!!!"  She's so silly.

However, despite all the presidential speculation, it seems my 'lil dreamboat has another objective entirely in mind.

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Barefoot Contessa Is Nothing More Than A Knobby Corn on the Toe of Life


This is the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten.


...and these are her feet..


...(maybe).  Yes, these pictures may be horribly ugly, but not half as ugly as what you'll find after the jump.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Please Let Me Be the Don Draper

What's with the deal with the delayed posts? Sorry, just busy listening to this on a loop.



So now you understand.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Kill / Capture / Comedy: An Osama bin Laden Movie Treatment


This is the picture of of Situation Room exceptionalism.


And faaaaaabulous headwear!

Unless you've been living in a cave -or a million dollar compound just outside the capital of Pakistan with no phone or internet service- then you've probably heard by now that Osama bin Laden was killed by Special Operations Forces raid early last Monday.

The details of the raid have been revealed in fits and spurts, and some of the specifics of the throughline have been called into question.  Luckily for you, I've tracked down some never before seen footage that details exactly how it all went down.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

She's Baaaaaaack!




Thank you Rebecca Black for tormenting me.  Thank you Glee for helping me realize I'm not gay. Or does this make me realize I am? So many questions, so few lyrics...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Cooking With Lisa: Preggers & Potatoes


Oh my sweet risen Jesus, is it Easter once again?

Why yes, dear Gumptioneers, and when the holidays roll around, you know what that means: It's time for another edition of Cooking with Lisa.


As some of you may know, Lise recently found herself in "the baby way."  Which brings the question which is on all of your minds to the foreground, "how will this effect Cooking with Lisa?" Let's find out.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Hotness Has Arrived


Have you ever wanted to wear HOTNESS?


For $22 you will, and you shall.  Click here to email Mark Fisher who will make your fashion & fitness dreams come true in one fell swoop. And just in time for summer no less!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

GWGG vs. 'Loftiss Says' Clothing Sale



This is Emily Loftiss.


This is Emily Loftiss' ass.

And this week on a very special edition of GWGG, Emily Loftiss takes off all of her clothes...

AHOY for Greatness!


A very special congrats to dear friend of Greatness, Mr. Colin Donnell for his big opening this week in Anything GoesHere's to continued successful voyages!


Tuesday, April 05, 2011

$90 Away From My Goal



Oooooh, Nellie!  Only $90 away from my $1,000 dollar Walk MS goal.  Consider this: Today is the 5th and the walk is on the 30th.  That means I just need to get a donation of $3.60 a day every day until the walk to reach my goal. Nifty!  You have $3.60 to donate?  Click here - I'll be glad you did (and who knows maybe you will be too!) Thanks!

Squeezing Out Some Country / Rap


Do you like the classy ladies?  Do you know the way to their heart?  No? Well, have I got the answer for you: Country music.

I remember my days back in the OH-I-O, I used to get all the ladies.  Like allll the chicks.  So many chicks. I had chicks everywhere around me, actin' all chick-like.  What was the secret to my success? A charmin' little song, a little song called "John Deere Green."



Fellas, if you love a girl you should always, always, always do your graffiti in John Deere green. How else will she know that you love her? She won't and you'll die sad and alone.  Just like your mom always said you would.  Sorry, you're not her favorite.

Man, country music is awesome.  Over time, afer all that chick-gettin', I started to feel as though it might be missing something.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Rebecca Black's 'Fridays' Are Reserved For Gang Fights!



As Greatness in micro-niches go, I really have to hand it to Rebecca Black.  The video she made for her Bat Mitzvah, is just the cutest thing!  If you haven't seen it -and you really should because she is a woman on this day & deserves your respect and attention- you can check it out here.
 


How cute is Becky's song? Supa cute!  If she can get that front seat / back seat shit sorted out everything will be jake. 

I gotta tell you though, as I watched this video I couldn't help but feel as though there was something ominous afoot.  You know, like watching The Wizard of Oz while listening to Pink Floyd. Evidently I'm not alone in this sentiment, someone else felt this way too!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Lost Stieg Larsson



Think you've devoured all the Stieg Larsson books your grubby little hands can get themselves on?  Maybe not.  Either way, wash your hands you nasty, nasty ho.

How could there possibly be more books, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you right after the jump.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Dan's Lost Luggage Rides Again! Donate to Fight MS



Ca-caw, ca-caw!  That sound you hear is the call of Greatness.  It is also the sound of a noble falcon -or eagle depending on your currently geo-proximity to eagles, which are also birds of prey, Great birds of prey. Man, I love birds.

Where was I?

The call of Greatness, yes!

That's right friends, it all began in 2009, when a little known team named, Dan's Lost Luggage took on the Brooklyn Bridge to raise money to combat Multiple Sclerosis.

2009 Team Dan's Lost Luggage - $2,800 Raised

Just when you thought we couldn't look any cooler, we did it again, with Dan's Lost Luggage Part II: Back in the Habit.
2010 Team Dan's Lost Luggage: Part II Back in the Habit - $3,200 Raised

This year we've got another incredible (and growing) roster of walkers ready to raise money to be applied towards eradicating this disease.  Who will be on this exciting team?

2011 Team Dan's Lost Luggage Part III: Badder Than Ever - $??? Raised

Well, you'll find out very soon as each week prior to the walk on April 30th, I will unveil a new member of the walking team of Dan's Lost Luggage Part III: Badder Than Ever.

In the meantime, I wonder if you might consider sponsoring me on walk?!  As many of you know, this is something that has been near and dear to my heart for quite some time.  That said, if you have an extra buck or two, it would mean the world to me!

If you're interested in donating, please be sure to click here:
Donate to Patrick By Clicking Here - http://bit.ly/e8XyqF

If you want the fame that can only be derived by being featured on this outlet and walking with some very cool cats, please join our team by clicking here (it's free & easy to join!):
Join Team Dan's Lost Luggage Part III By Clicking Here - http://bit.ly/evoCXu

As always, thank you to all of you fine folks who join us, make donations and offer kind words of support, it means the world to me!  Keep reaching for the stars and don't forget to stretch!

Thanks!

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