Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year, Bitches!

'Tis the season for holiday cop outs, drunken drinkery and animated gifs. Happy New Year, bitches!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

May Your Days Be

May your days be merry & bright.  But not too bright, I'm kinda hungover. Merry Christmas from Greatness with Garrigan Gumption, you sugarplums!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Best Christmas Presents I Never Got

What am I going to get this Christmas?

Well, if it's anything like all the other Christmases, it's a beautifully wrapped box of disappointment.

This coming Saturday is Christmas and I am excited to carry out the annual traditions of performing my impression of Michael Crawford doing an impression of Michael Crawford singing "O Holy Night" while wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask at the old folks home, followed immediately by making a vision board which illustrates with painful salience all the things I failed to achieve this year.  Then I round out the evening by writing strongly-worded letters to everyone who never complimented my hair.  Man, I love traditions.

I'll you one thing I'm not excited about, and that thing is...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

All I Want for Christmas is You!

What do you get for the man who has everything?

This is Nick Cannon. He has everything.  He hosts America's Got Talent, but No Taste or some show, was the lead in the egregiously overlooked Drumline, and perhaps most importantly is the CEO of sexytime with Mariah Carey.  We might think Nick Cannon has it all, but for a just a moment put yourself in Mariah's crazy ass shoes.

How do you ever go shopping for such an accomplished person like that? I mean, he already has a red floppy hat!!!

Sunday, December 05, 2010

What is Santa Thinking?


We are now fully in the throes of Holiday Magic, and ain't it grand.  I know that during this time I'm always filled with cheer, goodwill to men, and usually about (3 - 4) corndogs at any given time.  That said, when I take the time to examine our holiday traditions a little closer, I find I'm actually filled with something else... questions.

Santa, for instance, has always been a puzzlement to me.  This man spends (10) months making toys, roughly (1) month hanging around in stores, and then (1) month vacationing in Florida (I think) with all the other old people.  So naturally, I had some questions about the real purposes of this tradition. Questions I wanted to take to the source.


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