Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Next Ground Zero Mosque

You know what's super dooper awesome? The First Amendment and our impressive tolerance of the practice of other's religions.

Yes, we US Americans are so good at this religious tolerance thing, some might say we have that shit on "lockdown." I mean not me per se because I don't listen to --though I'm completely tolerant of-- "HIP-HOP" but, you know, people.

As you may have heard there's been a lot of hullabaloo in the past few weeks over plans to build a mosque near the site of Ground Zero. People have straight up said that these plans are nothing short of pure cockamamie despite the fact that it has been reported here and here and here that ooopsie doops, there's already a mosque around Ground Zero.  Listen, I don't really care where they put a mosque so long as there is a location close by where I can secure some quality halal street meat.

It seems to me this whole dialog has gotten way off track.  You know what we need to distract refocus us? I'll tell you after the jump.

 The Next Ground Zero Mosque
That's right friends in times of contention the one thing that unifies us is a new enemy!  So I say rather than provoke moderate Muslims who are already too creeped out by middle-America to step outside of our metropolitan epicenters, we come up with some new controversies. Hooray!
Luckily for all of you, I have some new controversies which I believe could be used to take some of our attention from this pesky mosque.  Ready to see my thought starters? Leeeeet's go!

 Dirty, Dirty Meat Processing Factory next to PETA Headquarters
Where "Where's the Beef" meets "Where are My Clothings?"

Plan to Build A "Nazi" Anything Next to Something Else: As Fueled By Opposing Party Who is Not Clever Enough to Come Up with Appropriate Metaphor

Gay Wedding Chapel next to Ted Haggert's New Life Church 
...actually, on second thought, that one might work.

Pep Boys next to a Jiffy Lube
Those guys haaaaaaaate each other.
New Plan to Replace Arizona Rest Stops with New De-Port-O-Pots
C'mon, this would be hilarious (if it just weren't so darn probable)!

Plan to Build An Abortion Clinic Next to Revered Oogachaca Dancing Baby Jumbotron
Oh, the zumanity!

So see there's so much awesome stuff to hate. There are so many other issues that require you to pour your bile into, don't waste it all on one silly Byzantine structure -spread it around, man!  Aneurysm here we coooome!

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