Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Just Rode in From Denver and Boy Are My Inner Legs Sore!

Well howdy pard'ner.  I just got in from Denver.  Now, I may be a little slow to your local tongue these days, as I've spent the past few days speakin' In'jun where I've been known more commonly by my Navajo name, Fay One Who Ropes Fiberglass Cow.  Yes, it was good times out there among the Rockies, scrubbing my jibbly bits clean in the Rio Grande, and strugglin to avoid them there venereal diseases they have out there at them weddings board-ellos.

But friends if I'm to tell this tale -and tell it right and true, I'm just gonna have to tell you in pictures; for if you've ever read this blog, you know that's-a what I'mma gonna do!

You may recall last summer I spent my vacation traveling with the rock band, WICKED. In sitting down with my travel planner, Veruca, I says to her I says, "Veruca (cause that's her name) I liked the Western-i-ness of
Austin, but could we make it more Westerny and less swampassy?"  Do you know what she said to me?  "My name's not Veruca."  With that I was left to my own devices to plan just that most exquisite Colorado experience.  You know what, that's just what I did.

To you, my humble audience, I provide you a summary.  A summary with pictures, 'cause I know you like that sort of thing.

 Got my Sea Captain's License.  Was then informed the state was landlocked.

 Went to a Dude Ranch. Thought I could just be a Dude.  They instead told me to get "stoked" about tending to the fire.  The wordplay was not lost on me, but it wasn't amusing either.

Formed the boutique private investigation firm, Bradley Brothers.  All I had to do to join was let Mike here marry my sister! What a deal!

Was inducted by Buffalo Bill into his Congress of Rough Riders of the World. Told him I came well-armed, then kissed my biceps.

Visited the curiously named, Museum of Arthritic Hands and Booze.

Made out with the hottest girl.  For reals, this girl could do AMAZING things with her tongue.

The piece de resistance came when I entertained the people of Downtown Denver with my expert use of a C Chord.  What's that?  You want to hear the magic? Well, normally I don't do this, but awww hell, why not!

While the work of boy soprano and part-time Gumptioneer, Spencer is excellent, the video really picks up at the 5:00 mark.  You're welcome Downtown Denver.

There you have it, chillin's. It's like you were there, gasping for every precious breath, no? Well, no, you weren't -it was just me, ME, I tell you! With not a respirator or airtank in sight.  Thanks for all your help, ya jerks.
A note of thanks to the entire Melfi clan for the tour of the Great State of Colorado, and for their ample supply of tampons which curbed many the altitude induced nosebleed.

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