Monday, May 03, 2010

Mother's Day: A Poetic Exploration

Mamma Mia! This is me.  This is my mom.  Her name is Mary. She prefers you call her Mary, and not Mrs. Garrigan.  It's nice of you to ask though.

It's Mother's Day next Sunday. In anticipation of the big day where we offer a tip of the hat to that lady made sure that you didn't die until you could make poor choices all on your own, I have decided to revisit the old M-O-T-H-E-R song and apply my own unique world view to this classic. Okay?  Let's go!

M - is for the MILES we drove to get to Bob Evans for comfort food after I buried the car in rabbit shit.

O - is for the OINTMENT she applied to my ass after I had that tumor removed.

T - is for the TURNIPS she taught me how to mash.

H- is for the HAUNTING OF MY DREAMS that her creepy doll collection* caused.

E - is for the EMBRYO she provided the most lovely home for.

R - is for the REALLY UPSET TUMMY she had after we had Indian that one time.


R (alternate) - REALLY GLAD SHE'S MY MOM!

So much so in fact that I made this epilepsy-inducing Blingee-gift for her!  Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

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