Monday, February 22, 2010

COP ROCK: An Idea Who's Time Has Come

Da Vinci's helicopter. Pop rocks. Washing your hands after pooping. All ideas that were way ahead of their time.

Another idea that may have been so ahead of its time that perhaps you haven't even heard of it was a little show called...

COP ROCK. Imagine the passion of the Australian recording of Jesus Christ Superstar the grit of "NYPD Blue" and the hairdos of "My Two Dads" -this is the world inhabited by COP ROCK.

As a student of musical theatre at Syracuse University's most prestigious, School of Elocution, I learned that the entire reason for singing and dancing in musicals is that the emotion is so heightened that the only possible outlet for this emotion is to express one's self through heavily choreographed vocal stylings and fancy footwork. [Editorial: The more I think about this axiom, the more I find it absolutely ridiculous -but that's neither here nor there now because it is that very principle that is the linchpin of this entire post, so just work with me here, people. ]

Well, it doesn't get much more heightened than the daily lives of New York policemen in the '90's, pal. One need only hear sarge's warning to get a sense of just what the stakes are in this world, the world of COP ROCK.



Yeah, motherfucker you heard right: A 187 at the 7-11. Is that real enough for you? No? How's about baby trafficking, bub?



"I'll have your baby for you." I genuinely hope he's speaking metaphorically because if I pay eleven grand and my baby is born with a widows peak I am going to be very pissed off.

For as edgy and raw as this show clearly is, there is an underlying message of hope. A hope that a government of the people, for the people might relentlessly pursue crime and injustice to cathartically achieve that Great Society we all deserve.



Unfortunately for all of us, COP ROCK was canceled after only a single season -the victim of a public that couldn't fully understand the majesty of Monster Ballads and mustaches. I'd like to think that some (20) years later in the age of "Chicago" and "Glee" we might be open to more diverse entertainments. Which is why I'm calling upon each of you to sign this petition to encourage 20th Century Fox to release COP ROCK on DVD, and open a new generation of theatre trash to the ecstasy of riffing cops and perps.

And to all of you out there who think me insincere, and see this call to action as simply an excuse to post cheesy COP ROCK YouTube clips, well, I've got one word for you.



Quitcherbitchin.

"Who Is Jordan Bishop?" The Reveal


So a couple of weeks ago, I was kinda cryptic and was all, do all this Facebook / Twitter stuff or I'll kill your cat. Well, I still may kill your cat, but now I can tell you what that was all about!

"Who Is Jordan Bishop?" is a new play being produced by Dalliance Theater. The play chronicles the meteoric rise and inevitable demise of celebrity gossip monger/part-time rock-god/full-time asshole Jordan Bishop.The play employs (8) different writers to tell the tale, and each uses a variety of genres, styles and devices to reveal the man, the myth, the legend one theatrical snapshot at a time.

One of these snapshots is my first play, "Measured, Objective Reporting." I am positively thrilled to have Mallory Hawks and Erick Pinnick starring in the vignette as helmed by Noah Racey. It promises to be the bee's knees. More info? Okay:

Who is Jordan Bishop?
a collaborative play
Theaterlab
137 West 14th Street. between 6th and 7th Ave.

3/5, Friday - 8:00pm
3/6, Saturday - 8:00pm
3/7, Sunday - 3:00pm
3/8, Monday - 8:00pm
3/11, Thursday - 8:00pm
3/12, Friday - 8:00pm
3/13, Saturday - 8:00pm
3/14, Sunday - 3:00pm

All tickets $10

You heard right, tickets are only $10 and are available by clicking here. Be sure to snatch them up quickly, there are only (40) seats in the house and tickets are going quickly! As always, thanks for your support of the endeavors of Gumption and I look forward to seeing you there!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Operation Dancing Hygiene

So much of my work is highly confidential. That is why here on this blog you'll never hear about my activities during the Cold War in Afghanistan working with Ahmad Shah Massoud, trading intelligence in exchange for resources and supplies.

Yes, never will you hear about how I spent many a cold night in that rickety Chinook helicopter as it bobbed and weaved its way through the craggy cliffs of the Panjshir Valley for meetings with the Northern Alliance commander. Oh, I would never go on to tell how over the course of my time there I probably provided Massoud with well over $5,000,000 in exchange for his support and advancement of our agenda in Afghanistan.

No, you won't hear any of that here -it's classified, you see.

In much the same vein, I took a trip out to LA this past week to participate in Operation Dancing Hygiene. Now once again, for reasons of confidentiality and national security, I can not reveal my involvement. However, I can tell you that I was part of the planning of this operation targeted at winning the "hearts and minds" of the Los Angeles populous through dancing and targeted product integration.

While so much of my work lives in the shadows of clandestine operational planning, occasionally, some of my work makes news in the mainstream media (MSM) and internet -a mere footnote of history. Operation Dancing Hygiene is one such op.



Wasn't that heartwarming? Yes, well, that's all part of the plan. What's that? You've got questions? Well, sure I could tell you more...

...but then I'd have to kill you.

So instead, I'll pass on a little saying Massoud used to always recite every 14 February:

روز ولنتاین مبارک امریکا

[Farsi Translation: Happy Valentine's Day, America!]

Thursday, February 11, 2010

What Is The Origin of This Picture?

There has been a delay in the posting of this blog. Why? What gives?

This is the view outside my window. Details to follow...

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