Monday, January 11, 2010

The Status Oversharers

Does this ever happen to you?

Do you find yourself sitting in front of your Computer System just flummoxed & bewildered by how to operate that dag'nab Facespace!!!??? Well worry no further elderly black and white woman, chances are your dreadful offspring aren't doing it properly either.

You want truisms, I gots the truisms, kids. Whether you've resisted the Facebook for contrarian reasons or you just don't understand this series of Tubes, the internets, one thing is certain -everyone's just wild about it! As Facebook balloons to (350) million users, anthropologists from The Uzbekistan Center for Projected Projections are projecting that there will likely be (325) million misusers.

Which is why I step forward this week to address a budding epidemic in the Facebook sphere:

The Status Oversharers.

You know them, you hate them. They are the oversharers. Sure, at first it was just the emo's, teenage girls and the chronically needy, but as the age of the average Facebook user grows, decorum in answer to the question, "what's on your mind?" is quickly devolving.

In the interest of making you a better human (ie. the Pursuit of Greatness), I have identified the top (5) most irritating overshares, which I will share with you now.

Number One: The Yogi Overshare

Please don't do this to us... Just because you spend every night in Child's Pose, attempting to see your own asshole, does not mean we have to take part in this dippy salutation.

Number Two: The Farmville Addict Overshare

Yes, I get that the game is addictive, but you know what? If you go on your vacation and your whole imaginary garden dies, like scorched-earth dies, it will be totally fine because kids, it's a computer game. So go get some sun, you'll love it! Oh, and another thing, stop trying to recruit me to play, ya creepy Moonie!

Number Three: The Baby Minutiae Overshare

Congratulations on your ability to both procreate and keep the bambino alive! If I can go without posting status updates detailing every time I take a dump -and trust me, I really want to- then mayhaps you could show some restraint as well.

Number Four: The Mental Hygiene Overshare
Ggggggggggg, I'm uncomfortable...

Number Five: The Domestic Dispute Overshare
Scorned sir posting this status, while you deliver perhaps the most entertaining of all the overshares, ultimately all you're doing is providing leads for gentlemen seeking "cheating, puss-filled whores".

And there you have it, dear cherubs. What did we learn from today? Post wisely, light-heartedly, and remember: always make sure you're posting in the right box -so to speak. [That is your cue to click this link, so take the hint.]


Anonymous said...

It's funny, the two different pronounciations for the word "puss." Oh yea. Their meanings are different, too. :)

非凡 said...

I'm appreciate your writing skill.Please keep on working hard.^^


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