Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Mad Men, Why?

Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen! Quiet down! Quiet down. Could I have your attention please?! Dear cast of Mad Men, thank you for -wait a gosh darn minute! You're not the cast of Mad Men! You're fat, awkward people. Get the hell out.

There you are! Cast of Mad Men, thank you so much for coming in on such short notice. I wanted to talk to you about something that is very troubling to me. The end of this season.

I gotta say, you guys, I really wasn't sure how this season was going to go. I mean you know I love you but the Salvatore bellboy hanky panky and the limeys descending on Sterling Cooper just seemed a bit desperate. You know, like 6 Feet Under there towards the end.

Then, you moved on to follow Peggy's coming of age, ugh... No offense Peggy- but your pouty I'm-a- big -girl -with -a -lot- to- contribute- why- doesn't -anyone -take- me -seriously- routine grew quickly tiresome. Yes Mad Men, I was beginning to wonder if perhaps you'd crested, perhaps you'd cow tow'd to the temptation of being stylish without making people think like you had done so successfully in Seasons 1 and 2. You were mine; were you suddenly dumming down? No, you were just warming up.

Listen, I'm probably going to type up this conversation I'm having with you right now and post it on my wildly popular blog http:greatness-with-gumption.blogspot.com so I'm not going to regale how wonderful this season ended up being to my loyal fans who have not yet watched this delectable piece of art, but I am going to ask you one question:

What the hell am I going to do until Season 4?

Well? That wasn't rhetorical (for once).

Okay, I'll get down off this chair so we can talk to each other eye to eye, and you don't have to keep looking up. Like equals.

Guys, I'm serious here. Do you know how long I waited for Season 3? I waited from like April of 2005 to August of 2009 or something, I'm a little fuzzy on the timing but I think that's right. Then to go from being so nonplussed to so filled with anxiety as I watched The Gypsy & the Hobo agape as "Where is Love" from Oliver played lightly over the closing credits. Who the hell do you think you are? You can't just toy with my emotions and leave me with the rest of the year and beginning of next to sit on my brains. What am I supposed to do till then -read a book? Don't make me laugh. You have a responsibility to me, you have a responsibility to this FAMILY!

Well, well, well. Mr. Draper. So cool and collected. You've been awful quiet. You bear much responsibility in this. Going from man with nothing to lose, on top of the world to desperate patsy who just wants to stop looking like an asshole. What have you to say for yourself? Nothing? Just a toss of the hands? How typical...


What am I supposed to do? I don't mean to sound so pathetic or exaperated, but you can't just do (13) episodes and go on vacation!? Do you know what would happen to me if I only worked for (13) days and went on vacation for (6) months? I would get sacked you know like, oh I don't know, Kater Gordon.


Oh, God why? [insert heaving sobs]

Please leave me. Please. Everyone just go. Everyone except you, Joan.

Yes, you. You stay.

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