Sunday, September 27, 2009

To Tell the Truth

And now let's meet our next team of challengers. What is your name, please?

My name is Patrick Garrigan

My name is Patrick Garrigan

My name is Patrick Garrigan


Ladies and gentlemen, today I provide you with the unique opportunity. So often, my public will approach me, usually while I'm enjoying Korean BBQ, and ask me, "Patrick, are all those shenanigans you write about really true? Is your life really that crazy?" To which I reply, "get me some more napkins."

The answer to that question is yes and no. You see, I like to spin a yarn. It really goes back to my great great grandfather the famous vaudevillian, Gerry Sean Francis McGillicuty O'Brien Neeson Garrigan. Oh, how he'd love to tell tales, if he were my great great grandfather, which he's not, so sorry I lied to you about that. The fact of the matter is, I don't even know what is true any more...

What I've decided to do today is provide you with what I think is probably the truth for once, sort of. But with a twist!

In the grand spirit of "To Tell the Truth" I will bang the cadaver of Kitty Carlisle Hart in her dressing room I will tell you (3) tales of truths about me. Which is true? If you guess correctly you will receive a prize or something. Sound like fun? Let's do it anyway.

PATRICK GARRIGAN TALE NUMBER ONE:
  • In high school I popped my zits and kept the contents behind the mirror
  • One year I only wore purple because I thought it was regal
  • When I puke from drinking, I make it a point to meticulously clean the area I puked while drunk
PATRICK GARRIGAN TALE NUMBER TWO:
  • I was born in West Virginia, I (currently) have all of my teeth
  • I love pineapple and not just be cause it makes one's "hospitality" sweeter
  • I have blamed my farts on a dog within the past (48) hours

PATRICK GARRIGAN TALE NUMBER THREE:
  • Someone seriously threatened to slap me this week
  • My favorite job to date was working as a janitor
  • Used to perform a David Copperfield-esque magic show; favorite trick: making a dog / my heterosexuality disappear
Which one is correct? You tell me by clicking on comments! The seeker of Greatness who guesses correctly will win a BIG PRIZE! Yay! Its so fun to think of you thinking of me! May the best Patrickophile win!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think all of these are true!!!

momasita said...

I am sorry to say, I think all are true! Except maybe about cleaning up your puke.

rdsmgb said...

sadly, i think the only point i am unsure about is your birthplace. i believe all the rest is likely true. most I KNOW is.

Anonymous said...

i think everything is true except the magic show.

TBone Lawson said...

I'll go with wearing purple, from W. Virginia and working janitor. Why didn't you mention the sex-change thing ?

Kate said...

hmmm...it has been a while since I have read this blog of yours. However, now that i am here i shall recall Garrigan history that I know and say: purple,pineapple (though most in number two are very close to the truth so it is questionable), and the magic show.

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