Monday, September 21, 2009

Lactose / Intolerance

Intolerance. We all have it, let's let it out and hope it doesn't get too stinky.

As it is oft chronicled here, I love dairy products. To be specific I like:

Pepper Jack Cheese
Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey Ice Cream
Milk & Cookies
Dairy-based (read: Cinnabon) Frosting

...and most importantly, Cow Teet. These are things I enjoy. However, when I take these things -most of which if you really take a look at them are not good for me- and put them into my body, the result is a string of room-clearing noxious depth charges. The kind of farts that cause people to make the face below, which is unflattering at best.

Why do I do that? I'll tell you why. Because I eat whatever I want! That and all those delicious products seemed so shiny and irresistible so I eat more and more, and the next thing you know I am stinking up the joint with smelly butt H8.

Soon other lactose intolerant people experience my poor example, see how I'm enjoying delicious cheeses and throwing caution (?) into the wind, and start consuming all those deceptively delicious no-no foods. Suddenly they're dropping poop parfume'd presents too! In domino fashion, everywhere you go it starts to stink!

Why do I tell you this story?

Because of the intolerance I have seen and heard on the interwebz and Moving Picture Box directed our president lately.

What? Yes, just watch as I pull this one, dare I say, out of my ass.

Much like my aforementioned lactose intolerance, the figurative room is starting to stink.

Just the other day, I was perusing the 'ol news only to see & read a lot of coverage of the protests and teabaggers rising up in opposition of health care reform. A truly American expression of our democracy: Freedom of speech, making your voice heard. Part of a balanced breakfast, if you will.

However, what inevitably happens is there are those who are tempted to sweeten that pot with extra fixin's that look/sound titillating, but aren't so good. The cause may be that they feel powerless or victimized in some way or another and want to hurt back. This is understandable, but it becomes a problem when it manifests itself like this:

Ew, someone made a doody.

Let me reiterate, I firmly believe that if you have beef with the way things are, it is not only your right but your responsibility to speak up, organize, lobby and raise money, whatever, to help your point of view. Again, these are cornerstones in our Republic's food pyramid. It is the manner in which this view is relayed that I believe is the real issue.

For instance, during George W. Bush's presidency, I can really only point to a small handful of issues where I agreed with him. Did I think he was a FASCIST, A DOMESTIC TERRORIST, A DICTATOR? No. Just someone who saw the world a lot different than me, and someone I wished would've been replaced much sooner.

In the same vein, will I agree with all of Obama's policies? Nope. But I can definitely avoid playing into hyperbolic rhetoric and thinly veiled racial innuendo. Like this charming anecdote from Roy Blunt (R-MO) at the recent 2009 Values Voter Summit:

"You know, you can't control everything there is in life that you'd like to control. Supposedly, at the turn of the 19th Century, the end of the 19th Century - the beginning of the 20th Century, there was a group of British occupiers in a very lush, very quiet, very peaceful, very uneventful part of India. And this group of British soldiers who were occupying that part of India decided they'd carve a golf course put of the jungle of India. And there was really not that much else to do.

So for over a year, this was the biggest event, getting this golf course created. And they got the golf course done and almost from the day the first ball was hit on this golf course something happened they didn't anticipate. Monkeys would come running out of the jungle [faint audience laughter] and they'd grab the golf balls. And if it was in the fairway they might throw it in the rough. And [if] it was in the rough they might throw it... they might throw it back at you! And I could go into great and long detail about how many things they did to try and eliminate the 'monkey problem.' But they never got it done, so finally this golf course and this golf course only, they passed a rule and the rule was - you have to play the ball where the monkey throws it. [audience laughter swells] And that is the rule in Washington all the time. You know... [clapping from audience]"

Now, I'm not so foolish as to jump into the race baiting accusations and can already hear my more conservative friends saying, "toughen up, pussy" and then hitting me just a little to hard in the back. Here's what I will say: the overtones are there (some more subtly than others), and it adds nothing constructive to the conversation. The marquee issues that currently face us, the economy, health care and wars abroad are difficult, complex problems. Much like long division. These are issues that require thoughtful consideration, new ideas and debate.

Bile, hatespeak and intolerance only serve to muck up the joint by making what is already unpleasant work far more pungent and messy.

So in closing, do your part to not make this debate so smell like the "'Remains of the Day' You Ate All That Chilli" and I will stop eating grilled cheese*. Who knows it may just help clear the air.

*All figuratively speaking of course.

1 comment:

Hector said...

I like monkeys.


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