Sunday, August 02, 2009

The (Un)Official Chyna Website

A little while back I wrote a post about how professional baseball was more closely aligned with professional wrestling than a true game of skill. You can read the hilarity here. If you're lazy, what I did was I created some new rules to make the game more entertaining, as I said they were hilarious. One of the rules was that WWE Champ, Chyna, might become the Commissioner of Baseball.

So fast forward to today. If I'm to be honest, this here site has a base of dedicated readers who patronize my wildly hilarious musings. However, when my blog hits took as spike from (200+) hits per week to (1,000+), I started to wonder, "what gives?" Have I finally caught fire? Has my audience found me? Was I a hop, skip and a jump away from celebrity?

No.

Through extensive research I discovered if you go to Google Images and type in "Chyna" the first picture that comes up is this one from my baseball post. I had become the unofficial homepage for Chyna pictures!

Initially, I was furious. My tales of Greatness should not be the home of mannish whorishness! This is an outlet for high-brow comedy -not schlock.

Then on second thought, the more hits mean the more Google AdSense dollars, which means I am one step closer to my bungalow / pony. Beyond that, the more I explored the more I realized I have much to learn from Chyna.

For instance:


Learn How to Balance Looking Like A Handsome Midwestern Housewife with Part-Time Dominatrix / Xena Warrior Princess Extra Work

Affirmation That There is Never A Wrong Time to Wear A Tu-Tu


Confidence in the Knowledge That Sometimes You Can Have Too Much Shirt


Improve My Interpersonal Communication Skills



Learn How to Handle the Paparazzi with Grace & Ease


Theatre Appreciation: Kabuki


Learn to Wear More Sequined Attire So I Can Get People to Focus on My, Ummm, Face?


Learn How to Rock the "Holy Shit, Overactive Wind Machine" Look

So at the end of the day this alignment might be a blessing in disguise. Thanks internets!

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