Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Very Blingee Comic Con

Are you ready for ADVENTURE?

A lot of people have been asking me, pestering me, probing me -where have you been? It is Wednesday and I'm jonesing for some Greatness. Well probe no further it is here -and I'm starting to chafe.

The reason for the delay, is that I've been reflecting upon a recent life changing experience. An experience that for some comes once in a lifetime, if ever at all. A time when you are called upon. Called upon to go to San Diego.

Yours truly walked into the lion's den of Nerdom last weekend to provide you with an inside peek into that most revered of geek gatherings the San Diego Comic Con! Some of you may remember, a little while back I provided an exclusive peek inside the New York Comic Con; but unfortunately New York ain't got shit on Cali, D-O-G-G-I-E. Wesssssssssside.

Comic Con

As we've seen, New York has it's own freak & geek hit parade, but there's something overwhelming about the San Diego one which could not be regaled in mere pictures. To give you a sense of what the experience truly felt like, I've decided to raise the stakes (an old acting term -no big deal) and provide you with images outlining the way it felt & looked, in a manner that only the Blingee can truly capture.


To say I arrived overwhelmed would be an understatement. I walked in to the San Diego Convention Center surrounded by WonderWomen, Storm Troopers and assorted unidentifiable heros / heroines. Why I wasn't there (30) minutes until I myself developed super powers. What super powers, you ask?

Only to the ability to use my X-Ray vision to check out your tittays (which I'm doing right now, nice nipples btw), yielded the power to throw fireballs from the palm of my hands, and perhaps most shockingly developed the ability to grow facial hair. Accompanied by my ferociously loyal sidekick shark, Tigue, I walked the halls of the convention center 2 inches taller, and 2000% more deadly! I was Patman.

Much like any subculture, I learned quickly there's a hierarchy of successful heros. Some of them were SUPER super, like this Super Girl here. Her out-of-this-world power was a spellbinding badonkadonk and the ability to emit just the cutest little valentine hearts from her underbritches. Maybe not impressive to you, but I was captivated by her talents. To me, she was a hero of the highest degree.


But Super Girl had competitors...

Not Super

...like Super Claire here, who's abilities lie in mesmerizing her opponents with her sparkly skirt and tiara shortly before clumsily stealing their lunch from them.

The week went along pretty nicely, you know, living the hero-lifestyle. I don't want to brag, but I disarmed some nuclear threats, stopped a meteor from crashing into my hotel, and got a lovely tan.

At the end of Saturday, after the autographs and the kissing babies, I had the good fortune to enjoy some guy time. Drinks and dinner with renowned blogger / podcaster / part-time gangster, Jimmy Aquino, to reflect on the week's happenings. No sooner did we sit down with our white wine spritzers (the Official Cocktail of Super Heros), Thomas Jane (who for the purposes of this picture is an English Bulldog) peed on us!

Thomas Jane Pees

When we inquired as to why he urinated on us he replied, "They murdered my family. They thought they murdered me. My actions are not vengeance. No, not vengeance. Punishment. Call me The Punisher. Who wants a cookie?" It was an oatmeal raisin. I couldn't stay mad.

Sooner than any of us would have liked, Sunday rolled around marking the close of the Con. It had been a great week with no altercations and only good will among us super heros. I must admit a sadness did start to come over me as I could feel my abilities starting to wane with each passing hour.

As I made my way to the final panel of the convention, I saw a most upsetting sight!


Two Princess Leias fighting! I tried to use my super powers to see their nipples -but I was powerless! "Who could stop (or record) this!" I shouted to the heavens.

Just then clouds rolled in and the gentle San Diego Harbor was suddenly an angry sea! As the scene grew more & more bleak, the skies suddenly opened...

magic penis

and Dr. Manhattan appeared, fucked them both with his unnecessarily long and sparkly penis, and then retired to the local spa for a facial. It really was something to behold.


The convention ultimately wrapped and I made my way home to New York, and back to the grind.

Patman is gone. While I may never get my fireballs or nipple-seein' or facial stubble back, I will always be able to keep one thing: The memories. Yes, the memories and a cup of Thomas Jane's pee I saved as a memento.

EDITORIAL: My thanks to Jimmy for the hot Super Girl pic and the good times. The rest of the pics were secured by me of nerds in their natural habitat.

Also, there are (3) Michael Jackson Blingee insertions. Can you find them all? Let me know in the comments.


Jimmy Aquino said...

wow. just...wow.

that blingee thing has got to go if you want to be a big boss pimp like me, fool! dont make me send jimmy melfi over there to break the legs of your chair!

great recap and awesome time hanging w/ you out there. we should try that out here in NYC. :) holla.

Hector said...

Wow. You managed to create a photo even Blingee wouldn't allow....amazing!

Emily said...

I found Michael! :)


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