Sunday, July 05, 2009

Speech Writing the Sarah Palin Way

Charisma, talent these things are self-evident.



As a deeply superficial US American, I simply love it when brains and beauty converge to forge new international & domestic policy. That is what makes this country great. Just when you thought Miss South Carolina had the lock on great thinkin', Greatness With Garrigan Gumption sweetheart, Sarah Palin -after working a grueling (6) months has head of her snowbilly state- decided to step up to step aside (and on July 3rd, just a day before that big America celebration thingy.)




Yes friends I'm going to "call an audible" and change blogging as usual, and give you something you can use. When you watch Mrs. Palin on the internets or liberal media you can't help but think to yourself, she just makes it look so easy. Well, you too can write a rambling, nonsensical speech. Here let me show you.

SPEECH WRITING THE SARAH PALIN WAY
You look at Sarah Palin, and her wordsmithery and you sense something pretty exceptional. This woman is not just an up-do and a pair of fuck-me boots -no, she is a modern day (female) Thomas Jefferson. How ever does she do it? She uses the Sarah Palin word bank -and now so can you!

Sarah's Speeches Word Bank
snowy (adjective)
Alaskans (people)
Americans (people)
Hell Yeah! (exclamation)
Politics as usual (catch phrase)
Full court press (sports analogy)
God Bless (sentence starter)
Gosh darn it (sentence starter)
troops (people)
...and prayer (afterthought)
I'm not wired like that (afterthought)
affect change (catch phrase)
for America (afterthought)
Unconventional (adjective)
Freedom (noun)
Liberal media (people)
Big government (people)
Victory (noun)
Positive difference (noun)
First things first (sentence starter)
Change in the tone of politics (action)
Clean up Washington (action)
Drill baby drill (exclamation)
The world needs more Trigs (non-sequitur)
Like General MacArthur once said (non-sequitur)
Beat up on me and my family (action)
Here's what a good point guard does (sports analogy)
Hockey mom (sports analogy)

Using these (29) expressions you too can look as polished as Sarah Palin. Here give it a try:


My [adjective] [people], I want to thank you so much for coming out to be with me today. [exclaimation], if there is one thing I love it is [noun] and so it is such an honor to be here today to [action]. On my way here, I couldn't stop thinking about the very first time that I thought about running for governor of the great state of Alaska [afterthought]. It always fills me with such fond memories that I have to call the 1st Dude, Todd, on the phone and say [catchphrase]. [sentence starter], the good [people] look to [people] to be a compassionate conservative and say to the world [non-sequitur],[afterthought]. [sentence starter],[noun] waits for no man or woman so [non-sequitur][sports analogy], you know [exclaimation]!

Here's what I came up with:

My unconventional big government, I want to thank you so much for coming out to be with me today. Drill baby drill, if there is one thing I love it is positive difference and so it is such an honor to be here today to beat up on me and my family. On my way here, I couldn't stop thinking about the very first time that I thought about running for governor of the great state of Alaska ...and prayer. It always fills me with such fond memories that I have to call the 1st Dude, Todd, on the phone and say politics as usual. Gosh darn it, the good troops look to liberal media to be a compassionate conservative and say to the world the world needs more Trigs, for America. God Bless, victory waits for no man or woman so like General MacAurthur once said here's what a good point guard does, you know Hell yeah!

What's that? Your speech doesn't make any sense? Mission accomplished. Please plug in some words submit your best Palin speech. If it is particularly good, I will post it here (click here to email that shit). Who knows, you may be Alaska's next governor!



PS- Sarah, you'll always be vice president of my heart. XOXO

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