Sunday, May 17, 2009

Waterboarding: Catch A Wave!


Stop assaulting American values like baseball, apple pie and summer waterboarding!

I'm sorry, but I have had it up to my taint with the likes of Nancy Pelosi (aren't you glad you clicked that) and all those liberal elites just tearing into that mainstay of the wet, hot American summer -waterboarding.

I will never forget growing up as a child in Ohio, my brother and sister and I used to get so excited for summer time because it meant we would head to the Jersey shore for vacation. I can't think of a memory more heartwarming than piling into the family station wagon and taking the 10 hour drive to Spring Lake, NJ.

Upon our arrival, we would squeal for the opportunity to grab our boards and hit the water. It was also a unique time when I would get to bond with my Dad, who would finally loosen that red tie of his and would teach us how to waterboard!


It wasn't long before we got the hang of it and we were waterboarding with the best of them!

There was just something so intoxicating about tethering myself to that board, and diving headlong into some cool H2O. The invigorating rush I would feel as the water splashed into my face -just making me feel so alive!

It was a beautiful time, an innocent time.

Throughout the summer, we used to have a host of guests. Why, I'll never forget the weekend that Christopher Hitchens visited us and we waterboarded with him! Here's a video clip of it. Scroll ahead though, the funniest part of him waterboarding with us happens at 3:12!



Christopher was so silly, he would keep getting water up his nose and complaining that he couldn't breathe. He is one funny limey.

As they say, all good things must come to an end. Even waterboarding. I just remember that profound sense of saddness when my sibs and I had to pack up our waterboarding equipment and head home to Ohio.

Just because we weren't in New Jersey anymore that didn't mean the fun had to stop however. As soon as we were home we would re-enact the magic of waterboarding over and over -well, as much as we could take! Why it would seem like we were just drowning in fun!


I may not still have my waterboarding equipment in my closet anymore, but you know what stays with me? The bloodcurdling screams as we gasped for air The memories of spending quality time with friends and family.

I tell you this story because I want you to hear the great things about waterboarding from someone who's actually done it. Don't let the mainstream media and former goody-goody Guantanamo Bay detainees rob us of our God-given right to go waterboarding on the weekends. This is America, dammit. We do what we wanna do.

1 comment:

rdsmgb said...

Good times! My folks like like 30 min from Spring Lake. I too have fond memories of waterboarding goodness in the Summertime...

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