Monday, April 13, 2009

Cough Up or Lace Up

Yes friends, it is recession time and everyone is understandably more conscious about where all their money is going. Why I myself went back and reviewed my budget only to discover that $7,500 a week in Vienna Sausages might not be the best use of my funds.

They are very delicious, however, and don't they just look scrumptious?

When I joined the New York City Multiple Sclerosis walk -which is happening this Sunday- I decided I may just be scratching the surface of disposable funds. Here's just a few of the items I may be able to cut from my regular purchases to potentially free up some greenbacks:

$1 - Sleeve of ruled paper for origami unicorns

$5 - 6-Pack of Sweet Mint Orbit gum (The Official Gum of Patrick Garrigan)

$10 - Blockbuster late fees for "Buns of Steel"

$20 - Lap dance by Natalia at Ricks, if I ever got a lap dance at Rick's which I didn't, I miss you Natalia, I never met a girl named Natalia who gave me an incredible dance at Rick's, I don't know such a person, I just lost that $20 on the street, okay, so just drop it, lovely weather we're having these days, no?

$25 - Cab fare to Queens

$35 - (2) Pocketfishermen

$50 - (1) 5,000 penny bust of myself

$75 - 1/149,099,236,631 th of the National Debt

$100 - All expense paid trip to whimsical Camden, NJ! Road Trip! Road Trip! Road Trip!

My question to you is what might you consider parting with this month? Would you opt out of having minty fresh breath for a week? Might you tell Natalia to stop calling you at home (and you've told her like 3 times already, anyway) and pocket that Andrew Jackson. OR might you just say fuck da gub'ment, I ain't paying no taxes this year anyway!

If you're considering any of these outlets, might I suggest using your spare scratch to sponsor me in the MS walk this year? You know you totally want to and it's as easy and clicking this highlighted word right HERE, yes that one or THIS ONE or you could just go directly to my SPONSOR PAGE and click donate to Patrick. All of these will allow you to funnel your conservancy towards this worthwhile cause.

Maybe your thinking to yourself, brother I can't spare a dime. Never fret. Instead grab those British Knights you've been keeping in your closet for a special occassion, lace up those gold/white laces and get to walking with me. You can do that by clicking HERE. Don't forget to stretch!

Well whether your engaging in frugality or fitness I want to thank all you out there in the blogosphere for your support of my activities and a huge thank you to those who have already contributed. You put the GREAT in GREATness and the TION in GumpTION. I sincerely appreciate your help and look forward to seeing your money or seeing your inappropriately tight walking attire Sunday morning! I shall look something like this:

Except I will be a winded cracker. The End.

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