Sunday, March 22, 2009

GWGG Will Not Talk About the Octomom

A Note To Our Readers:

Ladies and gentlemen, when Patrick started GWGG over (2) years ago -yes, hard to believe we have been pursuing Greatness that long- Patrick presented himself with this challenge: "Patrick, provide your readership with 26% fact, 47% dick & fart jokes, 19% good old fashioned elbow grease -all the while maintaining 123% journalistic integrity." Now, if you're a mathematician, which he is not, you would know that is well beyond 100%, but he's just that good.

This blog has served to break such hard hitting stories such as the stage hands' strike, the election and most recently overpaid dope fiends. Each story handled delicately, objectively and deliciously (I'm sorry, we just don't know any other words that end with "ily").

So when this Board hears of stories so disgusting, so obviously pandering, like the Octomom, and we won't even say Nadya Suleman's name because we don't want to give her anymore exposure, we must make the difficult decision not to write about this fucking nut clearly troubled woman.

No friends, we at GWGG will not discuss the kind of morally bankrupt person it must take to do this. We will not comment how selfish one must be to have (8) new children when you can't handle the (6) that you already have, and definitely will not comment on the fact that if Patrick -er, we- saw that disgusting belly while we were riding on the train we would, much like we do a smelly hobo, collectively vomit, move to the other end or disembark from the car entirely. These are things you will not read on this blog. Maybe somewhere else, but not here.

Additionally, we made the tough decision not to make a slide show of funny pictures we found chronicling her erratic behavior and wholly unmissable antics.

In this slide show we will not, under any circumstances:

  • Compare her to a dog having a litter of puppies delivered by a man wearing blue camo
  • Give you a sneak peek at next year's hottest Halloween costume
  • Show you images of her lookin' all crazy-eyed
  • Provide you with an unexplainable split screen shot of her with Larry Flynt
  • Delight in an excerpt of a 911 call which says so little and yet so much at the same time
  • Upload a hillllllllllarious cartoon outlining her unyielding pursuit of cash at the expense of these young 'uns
You may find that shit at TMZ, but don't come knockin' at my door, ya hear?

Finally, all you kids out there who love the YouTube, please know that we probably wouldn't spend (2) hours last night between 10:00pm and 12:00am EST, scouring the internets to find what we perceived to be the funniest or most cringeworthy video about this topic. Hypothetically speaking, if we were to do that the video we might select could be (2) 12 year old tools painfully rapping about how she spends all her loot on clothes. Again, just hypothetically, if we were to include something so tasteless, the video might look like this:

Our sincere hope is that you understand where we're coming from on this. Patrick worked so hard to to achieve and maintain this level of integrity so that you can begin your week with intellectual stimulation and not a commentary on this sad, tired topic. We cannot and will not shame this legacy.

Best regards,
The GWGG Editorial Board

1 comment:

sharon said...

I applaud your integrity, now bring on the dick jokes...


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