Sunday, June 08, 2008



I think I may have sharted. Sorry, I get really nervous around all that pyro.

On this day 29 years ago, Daddy emerged from the birth canal, all covered in placenta and such, still connected to my mother via the umbilical cord which served to feed me the tuna tar tar, mutton chops, and frappichinos essential to my development.

In honor of being one year closer to dead, I have decided to take to the internets, scour the YouTubes, and enter funny birthday related tags to provide you with a treasure trove of magical videos to help chronicle this completely unremarkable anniversary of life! Hooray!

The final frame was actually from my birthday brunch today with my new girlfriend, Corrinna-Jane. Yeah, I know what you're thinking and yes you're right. You have seen her picture in the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog which has long been a mainstay on your toilet and spank bank.

Another year has gone by and despite the multitude of things that I have learned, one of the greatest lessons came from my honeysuckle rose, Corrinna-Jane. She taught me the value of the mathematical equation, Pleasure Per Pound. If A= pounds of lady flesh, and B=pleasure, then A times B = Baby Makin' Magic. Meow! You're welcome.

CONFIDENCE BUILDERS FROM GWGG: Just remember, if you ever have a birthday you feel is lackluster, it could always be worse.

Yes, my bespectacled friend, "Tatiana" didn't come because she was on her "period." It had nothing to do with crackdowns in human trafficking, nothing at all. Do go play with your Wii (wee). Play with it. Gross.

Finally, people often ask me, "what do you want for your birthday?" What do you give to the person who has everything? It is a difficult question. My answer: I want this quartet to perform at my party. No, I am not joking.

God bless you Bollywood, see you at the party.

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