Monday, May 05, 2008

Snapshots from Sunfest

Hello Lovers of Greatness! The current local time is 1:30am, I just flew in from West Palm Beach and boy are my........ head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes tired. Yes, friends I just back in from a "strategic quality control spot check" at the Sunfest music festival in Skincancerville, Florida with my boss -who I must offer a tip of the hat to for a delightful weekend. Yeah, yeah I know enough with the platitudes, "wha didja do?" you breathlessly ask. Well, here's some literary snapshots I wanted to pass on before I pass out. Grab your SPF 75 and enjoy:

Good News / Bad News
Good news, due to a booking glitch we get upgraded to 1st class! Better news, we get hot towels and free wine! Bad news, I drink a whole bottle of free wine, get naked and proceed to give myself a sponge bath using the relaxing terrycloth to reach my "nooks and crannies." Worse news, tackled to the ground by Air Marshalls. Worstest news, ejected into [gasp] COACH with the plebes!

Pastey No More!
We Irish are not known for our pigment. We are known for our inability to hold down a job and our notoriously small penises. Luckily for me, I was at least able to sidestep one of these character traits by getting some color! (2) hours poolside and daddy now has a sunkist glow. Actually, not so much a glow as an inferno of red pain dancing across my chest, or something like that. Oh, and I took to wearing 18th Century wigs, you know, just for fun.

When Animals Attack
While enjoying the fine West Palm Beach shithole establishment, Callico Jacks or Pirate Al's House of Spirits or something a fight broke out! Yes, kids (2) large white trash Bubbas took swings at each other, bloodying one of the participants! As I observed the animals in their natural habitat and enjoyed a refreshing Rolling Rock, I saw none other than GWGG's own guest blooger, Timothy Dunn, leap across the bar, separate the gents and boldly declare, "take it home fellas!" And as quickly as the squall had kicked up, Timothy had rendered it done/Dunn -and I returned to ogling the bartender's tittays (strictly for health purposes).

What kind of person would I be if I didn't attend a concert or two at a music fest? A stupid person, that's what kind. The kind who should never receive hugs or praise or warm chocolate chip cookies. That's the kind of person I'd be. Luckily, I'm not that kind of person, I like cookies and positive re-enforcement too much. While there, I attended Stephen & Julian Marley's show and Hellogoodbye, both of which kicked ass. Naturally, being a VIP, we were invited back to hang with the Marley Bros. It was here that we smoked copious amounts of gange, ate Sun Chips, and crafted very thorough thesis on the viability of cheddar cheese leading to broad changes in U.S. foreign policy. I would explain it, but you just had to be there to get it, bruddah.

Don't you feel like you were there? Probably not, because you weren't, and that's gotta sting a bit, yah? Walk it off. Next weekend I'll be back to rocking in the corner in the dark and that's something we all can enjoy! Me sleepy. Nighty night.

1 comment:

Hector said...

Hey - didn't know you were away! At least you got some sun! Freakin' weathermen tricked us yeaterday here...said it was gonna be cold and rainy but it was sunny and 70. I cancelled my naked marathon because of that...but I'm naked today, so I guess the scales are balanced...


Related Posts with Thumbnails