Sunday, May 18, 2008

MyPod

I have long held the point of view that candy bars with caramel filling inside are the best ones -especially that delicious Cadbury Caramello bar. Secondarily however, I have also been of the opinion that a person's iPod is a window to their soul. Much in the same way that I judge people based on the shoes that they wear.

Now most people know me as a music hipster, one with his pinky finger on the thumping pulse of a constantly evolving music scene. It is just one part of my Rennaisance Man-like pursuit of Greatness in all things. Despite this, I put my iPod ear buds in one at a time, just like you! To prove it, I've decided to open my iPod to you and give you a smattering of some of the more frequently featured tunes. So tell your boss to piss off, plug in those speakers, open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind, in this darkness which you know you cannot fight - the darkness of the music of the night . . . er, and let's to the playlist, yes?



  1. America, Fuck Yeah - As most of you know, I LOVE AMERICA. Seriously. I also love this song. Not since America The Beautiful has a song so completely encapsulated all the things that are great about this land. Have a listen, I think you'll agree.
  2. The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth - I was born in West Virginia, I drink too much coffee, my teeth are crooked. This song speaks to me.
  3. Hard Knock Life - I am so fucking "street," man. By "street" I mean I enjoy hip-hop songs which drop wicked beats over a chestnuts of the musical theatre cannon about an irrepressible, red-headed orphan in search of parents who will love and cherish her in a manner she so rightly deserves, ya heard? Word.
  4. A-Team Remix - "I love it when a plan comes together." I especially love it when my plan involves dropping "E," grabbing some glow sticks, and demanding that people touch me.
  5. Both Hands - We all have needs. Sometimes I need to soak my feet in epsom salts, light up some incense, give myself an Origins facial and have a good cry as this song plays on a loop for (4) days.
  6. April 29th, 1992 - I have never looted before, but based on the instructions provided in this song, I think I might be really good at it!!
  7. Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced - Some may try, "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! Zing!" But I find "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" a more efficient use of words. Less talkey, talkey more sexy, sexy.
  8. Extreme Ways - Yes, that song is from the Bourne Identity movies. I have a very overactive imagination and as a result I play this song when I'm in the subway and pretend to evade non-existent assassins. Which ultimately results in me beating up that street musician at the Herald Square station who plays the saw.
  9. Hoe Down - When I rise in the morning, I play this song, feed the chickens and then have a steak. It's what's for dinner.
  10. Obsecion - I lived in Washington Heights from 2002 - 2003. It sucked. However, my neighbors were kind enough to play this song over and over again at bowel-rumbling volumes, and over time I grew to love it. Then some street urchins threw marbles at me and I threw them back at them, and then I moved. The end.
  11. Love Me Dead - This song includes the lyrics, "You've got the mark of the beast. You're born of a jackal! You're beautiful!" For that strange juxtaposition I list it here. Enjoy this nifty ditty.
  12. Move Bitch - If you are walking slowly in front of me on the sidewalk, I play this song and then use your head to move you out of my way.
  13. New York City Beat - I'm writing a screenplay along the lines of the Devil Wears Prada about a young man struggling in the city to become the world's finest children's face painter. You'll find this song on the trailer and ultimately the soundtrack.
  14. Online - Full disclosure: I am a 400lb. Arkansanian with hands for feet and feet for hands who spends most of his day playing Magic: The Gathering. Will you still be my friend?
  15. If I Was President - It is no secret that I'm a political junky. As it pertains to my presidential aspirations, Wyclef gets it right. Due to my proclivity for douchebaggery I too would be, "elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday, buried on Sunday (with a really tasteful marble headstone featuring a bust and really nice gold leaf lettering)."
Ludwig Van Beethoven once said, "music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman." So men, hopefully this playlist gave you a heart attack and woman, you had a complete and total emotional breakdown. That is the power of music.

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