Sunday, March 16, 2008

Thanks for Nothing Eliot

So as we all know by now, our illustrious New York ex-governor, Eliot Spitzer, got caught spending $80,000 on high class ass.

Frankly, I'm furious. I'm not furious that he spent all that money on whores, made himself an enormous hypocrite or caused his relatively foxy (& oddly named) wife to age before my very eyes. I'm angry because:

  1. The rate for (3) Diamond 'tutes is going to go through the roof. It was getting to where I thought I might be able to angle for a (4) Diamond one next time, but now, nooo.
  2. My reason for wanting to go into politics is exposed.
  3. I'm going to have to listen to this shitty song on the radio (push play and let the cringing begin):
  4. I completely lost my queue on the Emperor's Club website.
  5. I'm back to taking Mom to dinner parties....
  6. As thrown around by those judgey media-types, whore, whoremonger, John's, tricks, pimps, playaz, hustlas, and trick-ass ho's, all take on negative connotations and not the endearing platitudes I once knew them as [sigh].
  7. Used to be you couldn't swing a pimp cane without hittin' hooker (pun intended), bet they'll be harder to find now.
  8. Who's gonna pay for the vacancy at my table at the Players Ball? Shit ain't cheap.
  9. I suppose I'll have to use money I was going to spend on an artificial "heart of gold" for transplant-needing hooker, to sponsor some hungry-3rd-world-country kids or something.
  10. Virtually buying friends on the facebook "Friends for Sale" app not nearly as much fun as buying actual vagina.

So on behalf of all of us, thanks for nothing, asshole.

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