Sunday, March 23, 2008

Secrets of Stress Relief Revealed!

Bookmark this page, you're gonna need this later.

Man, I am stressed owwwwwuuut. Heavy workload at my place of employment, dog/housesitting on the Upper West Side, negotiating non-proliferation agreements, extra writing projects with looming deadlines, maintaining intimidatingly large pectoral muscles, performing in a cabaret, people with umbrellas becoming abso-fucking-lutely retarded whenever it starts to sprinkle -jeeze, even shaving has proven too stressful for me these days (as shown here) . Yes, friends I am overwrought.

But, Patrick, you seem so even-keeled you say. What do you do to keep your perky demeanor and cheerful veneer?

Oh you, it's not a veneer. Despite the stress in my life, and the strife of my rough middle-class upbringing, I have found things that ground me and give me joy. What things do you ask? Well, okay, since we're close, I feel like I can share just this one thing with you.

Whenever I am stressed, I take a little Patrick Time™; rise from the fetal position, hop on the YouTubes and participate full out in the dance below. And now you can too! That's right, I want you to turn up your computer speakers, rise from your desk, bed or toilet and do it with me now.

[As a side note, I make a cameo in this video, if you can pick me out you receive 20,000 imaginary Patrick Points]

[Could you spot me in the video? If you guessed the boom mic operator at the end of the video, you are correct!!! 20,000 imaginary Patrick Points to you!!! Hooray!!!]

YESSSSS, friends, the Cha Cha Slide. Damn, doesn't that just feel good?! You just feel so full of life! You don't have to have any dance skills, any sense of rhythm -all you have to have are ears and legs, and you've got those! Unless you don't. If that's the case, then um... please don't go on the dance floor, because then I'll just have to dance around your deaf, legless torso and I haaate it when I have to do that.

But seriously, don't you feel great? Yeah, it's like we just went to a wedding and we all know how much I love weddings....

So that's my secret. That, and I masturbate a lot and take naps. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go finish shaving.

GWGG Holiday Wishes:
Happy Easter! Remembering the reason for the season makes the candy that much more delish!

1 comment:

Erin to the Garrigan said...

That boom mic operator DOES look like you, but with sweeter moves.


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