Sunday, August 12, 2007

The YouTube Special

Hello, Friends. Yes, the man at right gives me the creeps, too.

You know I love the interweb. You know I do. Mostly because I have no "real friends" in the sense that they live and breathe and can join me for brunch, drinks or any form of "tangible human contact."

That being said, I have taken solstice in making the information superhighway my number one chum. Think about it, it is perfect: news, music, and unlimited pornography.

In my online pursuits, I have been sucked into the World Wide Web phenomenon known as "YouTube." For those of you who don't know what YouTube is, please stop reading this posting now -for you are an idiot.

While surfin', I have compiled a list of my favorite vids (it's what the kids call 'em these days). Some of them you'll have already seen. Some of them you haven't. If you have seen them, keep it to yourself -I don't care. If you haven't, enjoy.

So without further adieu I present:

The YouTube Special

This one combines my love of dick & fart jokes with my devout contempt respect for televangelists.

I love listening to the hits. Especially this one. It tells the wholesome tale of a young girl who overcomes great obstacles & personal insecurities to find comfort & confidence in lip gloss that is poppin', let's watch, shall we...

While the tale is inspiring, I think we can all agree that Ms. McClarkson (3:06) needs to be fired. I will not sit idly by why our students are called out of class simply to ask them where they get their lip gloss from. No child left behind, indeed.

Throughout my theatrical career I have worked with a wide array of impressive thespians (most notably the incomparable, Christy Carlson Romano). However, never, in ANY of my stage exploits have I ever seen such an exceptional portrayal as the one to follow. Ladies & gentlemen, I give you Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker...

Walk it off... Oh stop, she's fine. And it's not like she'd say something if she wasn't.

Friends, I'd like to introduce you to Democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America, Former Alaska Senator, Mike Gravel. Please sit back and relax as he shows us why he would make an exceptional president. (The really powerful shit happens at 1:15)

You just don't get it, do you, MAN. It's a metaphor: as president, he will stare creepily into his Sony Handycam until it is time for his Alzheimer pills, at which point he will throw a rock out an Oval Office window, and go take a nap. Sign me up, GRAVEL 2008!!! Hollerrrrrrrrrrr!

I hope you enjoyed this afternoon's, movie hour. I know I sure have. It has been a very cheery distraction from the cold isolation of my lead-lined bunker 20,000-leagues below the Earth's crust. Now you must excuse me, I have to figure out how to set up a PayPal account to purchase my mail order bride. TTYL.

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