Monday, August 20, 2007

One Year of Greatness

Happy Birthday to Greatness with Garrigan Gumption!

Happy Birthday to Greatness with Garrigan Gumption!

Happy Birthday DEAR Greatness with
Garrigan Gumptyuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Happy Birthday to YOU!
....[jazzy/sexy/cool] and many more!!!!

Hey Kids,

That's right! GWGG is one year old this week! Hollerrrrr! Oh, we've had some good times haven't we? Of course we have! remember the time I tried to get you to give me one of your kidneys and you were all, "no, don't take my kidney!" And I was like, "what's the big deal man, you got (2)." And then you paid that Dominican gang to beat me up justa, "teach me a lesson"? Remember?! Man, that was fun!

Ahhh... You know, one of the most thoroughly satisfying parts of being able to share the gobs of wisdom I have, is the profound rapport I have with my readership.

Never is this more evident then when I read the lovely G-mails (that's what I call 'em -cute, right?) I get from my ADORING fans! I'm sorry, you probably can't relate. Here, read on as I open my mailbag to share some of my REAL* (seriously) reader accolades!

"Because you have experience, how exactly does one remove the claws of a hamster? I tried once and it was a lesson in futility, and I pissed
off any number of small rodentia. I DO NOT want that kind of hell again!"
-Noah; New York, NY

"You are a very strange man...."
-Kathyrn; New York, NY

"Touched by the Rudy's portion of your latest blog. Felt like I could really feel and smell the place."
-David; New York, NY

"You shouldn't hate clowns.... especially Grandma clown."
-Steven; New York, NY

Patrick, I peed my pants..."
-Patti; New York, NY (tiny bladder)

"Dear Patrick, please remove. I want to "unsubscribe" if possible. Tired of your insipid remarks. Get a life. You belong in a borough. Roma Torre thinks you're gross and called you a "One man Fairy Parade." I bet you shit your pants twice as much as Mickey Rooney."
-Peter; New York, NY

Yeah, I really feel like I've really reached out and touched someone. Not entirely unlike my impending "grabby hands" court case. And in both cases it is/was profoundly satisfying.

Throughout my writings I have made it my mission to motivate people by applying the simple principle that by utilizing Garrigan Gumption©, you can achieve Greatness. However, this is an ongoing process and I look to my readers to let me know how we're progressing.

With that in mind, I pose the following Snap Poll question. Simply click yes or no to see the results!

If you answered yes, congratulations! You are well on your way to self-actualization! So, you know, that's nice.

If you answered no, you are probably a USIP and are screwed anyway.

But seriously folks, thank you to all you poor dumb bastards supportive peeps out there surfing the interweb who have read, and (better yet) passed ye olde blog on to others in the past year, 'perciate it. Keep those bags & bags of fan mail coming, because really, it's all I have....

Hanging on by a thread,

*EDITORIAL NOTE: All the mailbag quotes are genuine e-mails from adoring fans. The pictures associated with these quotes may or may not be the actual person. But really, who am I to judge.

1 comment:

Ryan said...

Why do I somehow NOT doubt the authenticity of the quote by "Peter from NYC"...?


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