Sunday, June 03, 2007

National Patrick Garrigan Appreciation Week™

What do Smith Wigglesworth, Barbara Bush, Rob Pilatus (of Milli Vanilli fame), Kanye West and the ever-impressive Mamoru Miyano all have in common?

Aside from, at one time or other, saying that George Bush hates black people, they all have my birthday -June 8th! Dontcha Wiggles?

While they have all made "notable" contributions to society, the fact remains, that none of these folks are -well, me.

So, the other day, I was having lunch with Criss Angel at Haru and he says to me, he says, "Patrick, yo, I am so stoked about your birthday, bro. I just wish it were more than one day, man."

"I know Criss Angel, it's difficult to pack that much magic [I jab Criss Angel in the ribs] into one day," I reply.

"Dude, why you gotta keep fuckin' jabbin' me in the ribs like that whenever you make a stupid "magic" joke. It fuckin' hurts man -here take a keychain, I'm outta here."

The more I thought about it, the more I realized, Criss Angel was right. I need more than a day. I need a fecking Patrick Garrigan Week.


National Patrick Garrigan Appreciation Week™, is a concerted effort by yours truly to make people do stupid shit under the guise of "...but it's my birthday" for a week instead of just (1) day. Here's this week's itinerary.

On Friday, I am turning 28. As I start to enter my early-late-mid-twenties, I begin to become aware of my many great accomplishments [SEE every posting ever placed on this blog] and in turn, I would like the to receive some respect.

Therefore, on Monday everyone will please refer to me as Mr. Garrigan and greet me with a small Japanese-inspired bow. I will then reply with, "What? Did you lose a contact?" You will laugh.

Initially, I started this blog so that I could sell advertising that would result in the purchase of a Shetland pony. I do love Shetland ponies as they remind me of a mythical world in which I am a giant. Despite my super-colossal dreams, I am sans pony.

My birthday wish is for you to spend all day Tuesday hitting the 'Refresh' button [pictured, if you're an idiot] next to the GWGG url. From here, hit counter will go through the roof, Google will realize I am advertising gold and then, finally, Sir Clopsalot will be mine!

People constantly ask me what they should get me for my birthday. Well, I'll tell you what not to get me. A Shetland pony. That, I want to earn.

I am always disappointed by the birthday crap people get me. As a result, please, please, please use Wednesday to purchase one or all of the following:

That Helicopter from Airwolf

A butler like Mr. Belvedere

...and I guess world peace would be fine too. If you can't get the other two.

For as long as I have been in New York, I have alway bought myself a new pair of nice underwear for my birthday. It's weird, I know. It has just been a tradition. But the search for the right pair has grown tiresome over the years. Boxers, briefs, boring. 2007, as far as I'm concerned, is the year for something dynamic. For my money, the undergarment of 'aught seven is:

You know, I'd like to volunteer something pithy for the actual content of the party, but the fact remains, by the time 2:30pm rolls around, I'm going to look like some shade of this.

Aren't you glad Criss Angel spoke up? I know I sure am. Thankss, Criss Angel.


The other day I found the following video I think best summarizes my daily train of thought. Enjoy.

1 comment:

Sami said...

Happy Birthday Week Mr. Garrigan (see it's Monday I follow rules, I'll have you know I bonked my fricking head on the desk as I bowed).


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