Monday, June 11, 2007

The Heart of a Champion

I have the heart of a champion. It is best that you hear it from me. Relentlessly pumping through my veins is the inherent promise of greatness.

It has long been my charter, that no matter the test, take all comers, accept all challenges, and declare no holds barred. It has created what I call "The Winner Mentality©" Unconvinced? Here are a few of my representative triumphs:

1.) The Cold War - Victory: TEAM GARRIGAN* (*notes: w/ assists by Presidents Nixon - Reagan)

2.) January 5, 1995 Showcase Showdown - Victory: TEAM GARRIGAN [pictured]

3.) Treadwell vs. Garrigan: Who do the Grizzly Bears like more? - Victory: TEAM GARRIGAN

Impressed? Yeah, I thought so. Despite these monumental achievements, nothing prepared me for what I was about to encounter.

On June 5, 2007 I faced my most challenging challenge to date. The quest placed me in perilous peril, dubious danger, extreme exigency and many other examples of alliteration.

The challenge? Engage some of the world's greatest eaters in a battle of wills to answer the age old question:

How much cake can one eat in (2) minutes?

As the saying goes, a picture is worth a large amount of money, especially if you take picture of a celebrity. Additionally, it can say a bunch of stuff that may, under normal circumstances, involve supplemental expository information. ...or something to that effect. So without further delay, I bring you:

CAKE OF DEATH
(the death-defying action begins @ 2:44)



Do not try this at home. I am an outright idiot professional.

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EDITORIAL NOTE: Seriously, don't do this. While being a winner rules, I got home from the gym after doing this and thought that my intestines had burst. I then concluded it is a crap idea to eat a whole cake. Let this be a lesson to you.

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