Sunday, December 03, 2006

SPECIAL REPORT: A Holiday Tourist Pictorial

A lot of you are probably wondering, "Patrick, why are you posed next to those trash cans outside your apartment?" Well, to put it quite simply, those are the lengths I am willing to go to in order to bring you hard-hitting news.

Long inspired by the exploits of Anderson Cooper, I realized that I had become a mere passenger in a crappy carpool on the information superhighway. Didn't I have something to contribute? Yes, yes I did, but what could that thing be? What unique perspective could I bring to my blog readers and the world-at-large?

"I had always wanted to create a 12-month calendar featuring pictures of tourists taking pictures," I thought to myself. And from this reflection, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, gave way to a new era of photo journalism. " What if I were to take pictures of tourists taking pictures set against a manic, Manhattan holiday backdrop?" --and eureka an idea was born!

Leaping out of bed at 2:30pm on a Sunday morning, I reheated some coffee, picked my jeans up off the floor, put on my CNN t-shirt (for inspiration), and grabbed my digital camera. This was a story that needed to be told. I knocked on the door of my roomate / Girl Friday, Joey, and asked him if he wanted to join me in my expedition into the thick of the concrete jungle.

"What do I need to bring?" he inquired.

"Just a good eye." I responded and we took to the streets.

****

The following photos outline our exploits. In an effort to capture the tourist in its natural habitat, I worked to secure these images clandestinely. The challenge of this assignment was to take pictures factoring in (2) requirements:

1.) The pictures must include tourists.

2.) There must be a camera in every picture.

For the purposes of clarity, I have titled these photos. Where appropriate, I have also included brief analysis. For some of them I have not. They don't require it. As you view these photos you'll see them, as I did, in real time --first in Times Square and then on to Rockefeller Center.

Without any further adieu, I present SPECIAL REPORT: A Holiday Tourist Pictorial.

BLURRY CONFUSED DRIFTER
ANALYSIS: Not Neccessary



THE MEN WHO TAKE UP THE MANTLE THAT 'SEXY NEVER LEFT'
ANALYSIS: In late 2006, Justin Timberlake issued the boastful statement that he was "bringing sexy back." Public outrage and cultural schisms formed across the United States as tens of thousands of people proclaimed that they had brought sexy back several years prior. Meanwhile, another sect argued that sexy had, "never left." The men depicted here represent the latter. As pictured here, they offer a formidable counterclaim to Mr. Timberlake's assertions.



NEW YORK IS NOISY
ANALYSIS: Initially this effort reflected my earliest foray into 'Gotcha' journalism. The woman depicted in this photo was wearing white pants after Labor Day, in clear violation of established New York City ordinances. However, upon secondary analysis, the child at her side offered up the most poignant argument, "New York is noisy." "Huh," I thought to myself. "Out of the mouths of babes."



YES, VIRGINIA, SOMETIMES BAD DYE JOBS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ANALYSIS: Not Neccessary



MY TUMMY IS OWIE: DIGESTION & CHRISTMAS
ANALYSIS: The holidays can definitely be difficult times for people. Whether dealing with loss, reflecting on past relationships, or suffering indigestion --this time of year can take a physical toll. These physical implications, as shown here, can be reflected in the inablility to smile, poor grooming and overall lack of photogeneticity.



DORA - COMMERCIAL TEMPTRESS
ANALYSIS: Some questions to consider while viewing this photo--
1.) Why is no one posing with Dora?
2.) Why is there a 2" hole at Dora's mouth?
3.) Why isn't Dora wearing a shirt?
4.) What is in that guy's blue bag?



BOMBSHELLS WITH SECURITY GUARD or ART HAPPENS EVERYWHERE
ANALYSIS: As a photo journalist, this photo warms the cockles of my heart. The guard pictured here took time out of his busy day to photograph these smokin' hot Southern mommies who were trying to get him to come back with them to their hotel. Everyone in New York is out to screw you? Ha! I think this guard renders that argument impotent.

****

To all of you out there in blogland, I hope this piece encouraged you to look inside yourselves and take a long hard look at Christmas, tourism, children's programming, excessive hair product consumption, the importance of attractive people in photos, Pepto Bismol, homeland security issues, the joy of string cheese, elaborate holiday lighting displays, Broadway musicals, hitchhikers, and true love. I know I did.

To those of you who appeared in this pictorial. Please don't sue me.

Reporting from New York, this is Patrick Garrigan. Good night.

EDITORIAL NOTE: Yes, I really did take these pictures. ..and yes, I am an idiot.

2 comments:

Jean said...

You can't be an idiot. you are related to me and I thought the pics were cool. I loved the commentaries on them too.

Lou said...

What the hell is the matter with you?!
You still manage to make me giggle, Garrigan!
Glad to see you're still up to your old tricks!

Happy New Year my friend!
xoxoxo
Lou

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